Treygarian Spremeius and the Entrance of the Dragon
Book IIXX, Part XXII, Chapter XVII of Treygarian's Journeys
Recorded by Alison "Ali" Bee on December 23rd, 3015
After defeating the Demon Apes of Gorilla Island and making love to the Sorcerous Chimp Princess Zaynab, (Found in last issue's Treygarian Spremeius and the Spiteful Simian Servants of Satan, now on sale for only 2 copper!) Treygarian walked through Zay's portal to a town as familiar as it was dangerous: Havensworth.
It had been a few months since Treygarian had last set foot in the hub of the Alerians, notorious rivals of our good looking hero. It was with no small sense of pride in his own sense of dramatic timing that Sir Spremeius (as he was known in Havensfeld after the events of Treygarian Spremeius: Battles, Blossoms, and Bosoms, the anthology available for the low low price of 5 copper!) noticed he had arrived on the eve of the yearly celebration of his close friends and colleagues the Witch Hunters. Content knowing he soon could talk once more with the eccentric fellows and shake Gerbo's unusually large hand for the lead on the location Olaf the Orangutan's Gorilla Island hideout, our hero grabbed a pint of ale and leaned against a pillar.
For any new readers, it is imperative at this moment that we describe exactly what gazing upon Treygarian Spremeius' body entails. We'll start with his hair. The shoulder length golden shining locks of Treygarian have been compared to rays of sunlight brushed by Dwarven smiths, shampooed by Elven maidens, and conditioned by Aphrodite herself. Looking down one's senses are pierced by his gorgeous blue eyes, strung up by his cheek bones, and struck by his chiseled jaw. His chest swells with imposing pecs, punctuated by erect caltrop like nipples. Abs like rocks protruding from rapids are only loosely concealed by his ruffled shirt, barely buttoned. Treygarian Spremeius is not easy to miss in a crowd.
Another figure difficult to miss was the shark man known as kAAHH. The seven foot tall creature, clothed only in his cummerbund and armed only with his rows of dagger like teeth, sniffed the air. Like any other warm or cold blooded person, kAAHH was enchanted by our hero's presence, and advanced menacingly toward Treygarian's pillar, saliva leaking from his mouth.
"kAAHH can smell what has value, and he knows what has the most worth here. What be the price of your hair, glorious one!?"
Treygarian smiled at the sahuAAHHgin's desire to own what could not be owned, to tie down what must fly free, that gripped so many people he encountered on his journeys.
"I am in need of an adventure soon, and would not be opposed to having a strong warrior on my side. I could trade you a lock of hair for your services on my crew."
Though the warrior made a show of considering declining the offer, his drooling mouth gave away that he could not refuse. As Treygarian Spremeius cut his glowing mane the sahuAAHHgin fell to one knee and greedily snatched the offered filaments and tucked them into his belt.
"Did I hear something about adventure?" A brave voice said from below.
Looking down, Treygarian saw a halfling with a green stone in her forehead. Though Bai Kai Tian was stout of mind and soul, the direct eye contact of Sir Spremeius made her heart flutter so powerfully she almost looked away.
"My order's scrolls say that it is our duty To Defeat Evil, Drive It Out of the Land, and Hear the Celebration of Men and Women. I'm looking for someone to perform my duty with."
Treygarian smiled a smile which felt like being buried in kittens and replied, "It would be my pleasure to lead you to the end of your order's holy quest."
With this response, Kai was sure that the being before her was the chosen one her order told her about as a child. kAAHH's response was a little different.
"You joined us!? For free!? You FOOL! AHHAHHAHAHAH!" he yelled before wandering off in search of more treasure.
"I have another friend who is also searching for justice," Kai said, gesturing toward the roof. Perched above was the bird person Arrano. Arrano's feathers were radiant will all the colors of the rainbow while his equipment was steeled for all the danger which lay. His left eye held all the sorrow of one who suffered a terrible tragedy and his right all the righteous anger of one who would claim vengeance. The two heroes gazed into each other's eyes tenderly as they recognized another who experienced both gentle love and harsh pain in this melancholy and dangerous world we all inhabit. It was obvious to anyone who saw the single tear each of them shed that Treygarian would lead Arrano to the justice he so desperately needed.
As the crowd fell silent from such a beautiful display of emotion, the organizers of the celebration decided to start the official ceremony. Lady Grace Aleria stepped forward and explained that though the celebration today was for the Witch Hunters, they were unfortunately not able to join for the traditional raffled feast. Right as she was about to cancel the whole affair Lady Grace noticed Treygarian in the crowd. Her heart skipped a beat as she thought back to the the times they strove together and fought against one another both in the field and the bedroom. (as detailed both in Treygarian Spremeius: Battles, Blossoms, and Bosoms and the NOW FREE Treygarian Spremeius and the Apocalyptic Apology of the Alerians) Instead of canceling the dinner as she had planned, Lady Grace decided to keep the drawing open in hopes of luring our hero into her castle and, eventually, bedroom.
Disappointed at not being able to see his compatriots the Witch Hunters, Treygarian Spremeius was about to leave when a peculiar figure approached him. Legendary was one of the humanoid war machines from Faen'Dasia know as warforged, possessing a strong mechanical body and a holy third eye on his forehead.
"Excuse me sir, but I am in need of a hero. You see, I am an adventurer from a distant land who wishes to ask the castle what I can do for good in this part of the world. I am afraid that as a foreigner who worships a foreign god the Alerians will not believe that I have a pure and good robotic heart, but if I could be accompanied by one as pure and good looking as you, well there would be no question as to my intentions. With my well oiled hard steel and your well oiled biceps there is no evil which could stand in our way. What say you?"
"How could I say no to such a well built brother in arms?" Treygarian responded with fire in his heart, "I believe destiny has decided I and my party must have another date with Lady Aleria after all."
With his plans now set for the evening, Sir Spremeius walked to the guide waiting to lead the throng of patriotic citizens to their promised dinner. Treygarian walked through the familiar halls of the capital before the group was left in a waiting room.
"Excuse me, but you wouldn't happen to need a doctor?" said a voice from under a mask.
Cara appeared to be a plague doctor judging from her menacing bird like mask. Treygarian was no stranger to physicians chasing after him, trying to capture what it was about his biology that made him the greatest hero in the land.
"I don't think I do miss," Treygarian replied, "I'm still tender from the last time I got physical with a medical professional." (Treygarian Spremeius is of course referring to his encounter with the Dominating Doctor Darwinious, last seen in Treygarian Spremeius and the Evolution of Epistemological Evil, currently going for one copper piece)
"Well I insist you at least consume this vitamin I concocted while I study you further. You wouldn't want to loose your energy on such a long, hard, journey."
Treygarian knew the moment he consumed the offering of the "good" doctor he would be powerless to stop her advances to medicine. Luckily, Cara wasn't the only interesting character currently in the waiting room. Treygarian had made eye contact earlier with the goblin known as Zazu! who clearly had the same love for breaking the shackles of doctoral authority as he our hero. Using the secret goblin hang gestures he learned during his (as yet untold) month long imprisonment with the Hobgoblin Witch Queen Trudu, Treygarian asked for a flask of spirits, the only antidote to the foul potion Cara had brewed for him. With a deft movement Treygarian quaffed both liquids at once, canceling out the vile potion and leaving only the smooth taste of whiskey which only someone as refined as Treygarian could enjoy.
"While I'd love to stay and chat, I'm afraid I have someone to meet," Treygarian said much to the surprise of Cara, who expected her "vitamin" to have taken effect by now. "I'm sure this won't be the last we see of each other," he called over his shoulder to both of them while also signing a thanks to the goblin who kept him safe.
Treygarian was, of course, going to meet with Lady Grace Aleria. He had deduced (correctly) from the time taken that she must have cold feet, nervous that he would remember how she had stolen the diamond the Aquatic Alien Adventists had gifted to him after he stopped a noble faux pas from ending the world. (A story which can still be recounted for FREE in Treygarian Spremeius and the Apocalyptic Apology of the Alerians) It was only as he took a short cut in front of the royal vault that our hero noticed something was off. All of the magical seals usually present had been removed and the vault itself was cracked open instead of sealed. Curious at what could have caused such a change, Sir Spremeius entered the vault.
It was almost exactly as he had remembered it, filled to the brim with relics deemed too dangerous to be anywhere else. Cursed swords, bound demons, and forbidden tomes lined the metal walls, along with a certain jewel only dangerous to the Alerian family because of the embarrassing circumstances under which it was stolen. Treygarian quietly pocketed his lawful property before walking to the secret sanctum at the back of the vault, also left ajar.
"Greetings my beautiful fine fellow
I wish that the circumstances we met under were more mellow
I would love to meet with you after my vile deed is done
Then we could've had some fun, hun."
It was with this vile rhyme that the jester like figure with armor as black as night and red as blood crushed an orb of darkness, causing a huge calamity. The Alerian castle came falling apart as above the sky ripped apart like the jeans jacket the Levi-athan attempted to trap Treygarian in after he flexed his way out of it. (as can be read in the first ever written history of Treygarian Spremeius, Treygarian Spremeius and the Fated Fabric, currently a rare collectible item) Emerging from the hole like Treygarian emerged from the destroyed clothing article was a black dragon so mighty and enormous there could be no question it was here to destroy the world, starting with the castle.
Unfortunately for the dragon, it could not complete its task without interference. With the architecture crumbling around him Treygarian leaped from falling block to falling block, approaching the evil creature. Afraid for its life so soon after appearing, the dragon quickly fled from Sir Spremeius, leaving only the destruction in its wake.
"I guess my date
will have to wait."
Treygarian said as he fell gracefully to the rubble below and began digging the injured out. Following his lead, other heroic individuals crept forward and joined his valiant effort, including a strange woman sparkling skin named Eva who shared glances with our hero while saving countless lives.
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