The following is pretty rough, and I am learning how difficult it is to write rule books which actually convey their ideas. That being said, here we are.
The Hell Game
The Hell game will be a Role Playing Game created, by me, you, and everyone else who is joining us. It will be an experience (hopefully) somewhere between hideous torture and exuberant fantasy. Together we will (hopefully) talk to otherworldly terrors and simple relatable people, explore a world in which there are no shackles of morality to hold you down since everyone gets their just desserts, and explore a plane of meaningless existence where everything has a purpose.
Below are the rules of a game about a group of people who wake up on the First Layer of Hell and delve their way down to the Ninth. I tried to write a new system stealing ideas from everything I like including AD&D, OSR, 5e, modern indie RPG's, and anything else which got in the way at the time. After reading this broad overview I hope to have given you some knowledge of how to play the game and an idea of if you would like to play.
I. What is Hell?
At the end of their days, everyone gets what they deserve and where they end up fits the life they led. Hell is one of the places where people who we can all agree are Evil end up. Hell is not for those who randomly destroyed and lashed out at the world, reveling in and creating meaninglessness, those souls end up in the all consuming Abyss. Hell is instead the nine layered pit where those who did terrible things with a purpose end up; a place for those filled with desire, passion, and the willingness to do anything to achieve their dream. Hell is not just terrible: it is terrible with a greater purpose.
Since Hell is a terrible place, terrible people and terrible actions are all around. In this horrible existence "bad" decisions almost always turn out better than what people consider to be "moral". Mercy is almost never shown, since it always brings about betrayal. Everyone has been trained to take advantage of any goodwill and thoughtfulness shown towards them, lest they simply open themselves up to be taken advantage of. Perhaps one could be "good" in Hell, rising above the petty actions, the betrayals, and the pure undeserved cruelty, but it would be for all but naught: Hell's only rewards would be internal satisfaction and external hardship.
With positive benefits removed from positive behavior, Hell provides a wonderful place to ask questions about our understanding of morality and how to act in the face of Evil. Characters will be forced to answer if they would be heroic if no one is watching and no one cares. With the Hell game I hope to provide a sandbox where characters can battle with these ideas and questions while players can contemplate and consider them.
Another aspect of Hell is that its metaphysics are significantly different from those of the "normal" world. Being the afterlife, Hell's physics don't stem from the same material interactions we see in the real world, but instead are a result of the effect of belief on reality. Rocks fall, fire burns, and F = ma not because of fundamental unbreakable laws, but instead because the inhabitants of the plane (consciously or unconsciously) believe that they will. The consequences of this effect not only physical interactions, but also everything in Hell. How smart one is is a direct consequence of how intelligent everyone (including the person in question) thinks they are. Training may make one more powerful, but only because of the interpersonal proof of competence and personal confidence it provides. This concept is baked into the structure of the game and will come up often.
Another metaphysical quirk of Hell is that its inhabitants are only dead souls. This means that unlike common understandings of metaphysics on the material planes there is no soul/body distinction between what makes up an entity, since they are all soul. Hell's denizens instead break up entities into 3 parts, Material, Mind, and Mouth. Material is the stuff which makes up people: their hair, their muscles, their horns. Physical stats, physical actions, and one's Humanity all fall under the scope of the Material. Mind is instead the internal state of the a being. What they're thinking at any given time, their plans, and their personal Traits and abilities. Finally Mouth is the outward understanding of Hell's occupants. The sense of who one is that one projects, how others interpret that projections, and the Adjectives used to describe something are all components of Mouth. These three components come together to create the inhabitants of Hell and how they exist in the plane, and is a concept which can be used to better understand how things work.
II. Who are you?
i. Character Rules
If you're reading this then chances are you're interested in being a core member of the campaign as the game goes on. The current plan is to have three to five core members of the party who can make it to most/all of the biweekly sessions and are willing to talk about, think about, answer questions about, and maybe even roleplay their characters in-between sessions. The goal is to have each of the characters be at least two dimensional with ideas, views, goals, and mannerisms different than their players, and perhaps even to be three dimensional with their own doubts, flaws, and ways of thinking. If this sounds like too much but you are still interested in being a part of the group in some way I'm planning on having opportunities to be a guest/recurring/side character or be involved in the game in another way which may work better.
If you decide to be one of the core members you can choose your character from one of the nine premade options. These have their mechanical aspects defined and a vague start to their backstory waiting to be fleshed out. The intention here is not to unduly constrict your creativity, but instead to provide help outlining an idea of the tone, themes, and mechanics of the campaign while reminding everyone that they can't undo the sins they committed before they arrived in Hell. Below I will generally explain what is on the character sheets and how each part works (hopefully) well enough to help you make a decision of which characters to play before giving an overview of each of the characters and then a description of how each session will generally function. More detailed character sheets for the premade characters will be provided somewhere else (so far I have these and this finished and published, with more coming soon).
Each character will have the classic six D&D stats which each mean approximately the same thing they do in that game as they do here. Each stat provides a bonus or penalty on checks and actions related to them based on its value (bonus/penalties done ala 3rd-5th ed D&D). In addition to stats, this system also shares the ideas of levels with D&D. Each character will start at 1st level with significant progress or actions earning them an experience point. After five such points are accumulated they will gain a level giving them additional hit points and access to or changes in powers based on who they are. Each character will also have a list of things which they get to add their level to when making related checks. They will also have a list of actions which they only have some skill in which they will instead get to add half their level (rounded up) to.
Each character also starts with two Traits, one at Rank Two and one at Rank One. Traits represent how the character sees and understands themselves in the world; a kind of quantified sense of self. If a character takes an action which falls in line with a Trait they posses they can add their level as a bonus to the action if they couldn't before (or half the level if the relatedness is kind of a stretch). In addition, each Rank of the Trait also provides the character with a new action they can take. The first Rank only provides the character the opportunity to make a check to take an action (usually outside of tense combat situations) while the second Rank gives them an action to take automatically even in tense situations. Ranks Three, Four, and Five each provide another possible action to take, each more extreme, powerful, and reality breaking than the last. The Rank of the Trait represents how ingrained in the character's psyche this aspect of who they are is, with Rank One perhaps being almost subconscious and Rank Five being a fully embraced almost all encompassing ideal which dominates the character's every waking and sleeping thought. Throughout play, a character's actions can change how they see themselves, and so change their Traits and their Traits Ranks. At the end of each session, everyone will talk about how their characters' views have changed over the course of the game and come together to decide if its caused a change in a characters Traits. Each Trait will have an "experience" bar which can be raised or lowered based on if the character's actions have reinforced or contradicted the Traits they already have. Once that bar reaches 5 points the Trait will Rank up, going up (to a maximum of Rank 5) and needing another five points to achieve the next Rank. If a bar ever goes below zero points the Trait instead Ranks down (with a Rank Zero Trait simply being removed). If a character with less than three Traits exhibits behavior which is fitting of gaining a Trait for two sessions in a row, the character acquires the new Trait at Rank One. As Traits Rank up the behavior necessary to gain points and increase Rank will become more and more extreme. An action which would have granted a point at Rank One may be necessary to simply stay at Rank Four without loosing a point. Awarding and loosing Traits means that though a character may not be who they (or you) want them to be at the start of their journey, they can change through consistent action and patience. Changes of Traits shouldn't be surprising rewards or punishments so much as the logical consequences of the actions which character take throughout the game. Since Traits represent the internal thoughts of characters, discussions on how they should change should center the character's player, since they can best understand the internal thoughts of their character.
In addition to up to three Traits, characters can also have up to three Adjectives which represent how everyone else views them. Since belief makes reality each Rank in an Adjective effects all the actions of a character, giving them a +1 per Rank to any check which lines up with the Adjective. In addition these Adjectives effect the characters who have them how their actions are carried out. In addition to the numerical bonus Rank One Adjectives change the special effect of how a related action happens while higher Ranks change everything about how a character appears to exist in the world and how others react to them. Since the game starts with their arrival none of the characters start with any Adjectives, however just like Traits their actions in game can cause them to gain them. Each Rank is gained all at once from significant actions taken by character which cause them to gain a reputation. These reputations don't have to be accurate to what the character actually behaved like, only how they are viewed by Hell and its inhabitants based on what they have heard about them. When figuring out how a character's Adjectives may have been effected at the end of a session the discussion should center everyone besides the character's player, since Adjectives represent how others see a given character as opposed to how they see themselves.
In Hell, each character also has a Stage in Humanity they are currently at. When a character first arrives in Hell they will be at the Stage closest to Human: Person. As the many hardships of Hell continue to effect the characters and they stop behaving as if they are living beings their Humanity will falter and lower. This makes them appear less whole, vibrant, and alive and instead more worn out, tiered, and corpse-like. At the end of each session if a character hasn't taken the necessary actions to uphold their current Stage of Humanity it will decay down a Stage: from Person to Wanderer, from Wanderer to Scavenger, and finally from Scavenger to Lost Soul. Each Stage requires less and less in order to maintain, and in fact are better at surviving in Hell in general. Though a Person may require a mask to keep Hell's sulfurous fumes from burning their throat, a Wanderer would be used to the pain, and won't even need to drink water to keep themselves from deteriorating to the Scavenger Stage. At the Stage of Lost Soul the only thing a character needs to do to maintain their position is have the will to live. If this is too much then the character gives up and stops being a playable entity in Hell, instead finding a place to lie down and become a part of the landscape. Perhaps they are tortured for eternity as the old man sleeping over his drink at the bar, unable to wake from their drunken stupor. Perhaps they sit down and never get up, eventually being eaten by and becoming a gnarled and spiky bush. Perhaps they simply lie in a field and are ground into dust, becoming the very substance of Hell, tread upon by and choking the throats of every other tortured being who comes after them.
Humanity can also be lost if the character takes a grievous wound which they couldn't otherwise recover from. The details of this will be further covered when talking about play below, but if a character takes a wound and doesn't have another way to recover from it, they can heal it and return to full health by going down a Stage of Humanity. It is also possible to go up the track. If a character takes a human action significantly above what is needed for their current Stage of Humanity, whether that be easting a lavish meal, taking a spa day, or something else equally refreshing, they can go up to the next Stage. Alternatively, such a lavish expenditure can be used to heal all injuries as one would by loosing a Stage without actually losing it.
In addition to the Human side of the scale, characters can also decide to instead become more Fiendish, and try to become a Devil. Just like increasing Humanity, increasing Fiendishness requires the character to spend above and beyond what is needed. Unlike Humanity, increasing Fiendishness requires the character to become Diabolical by acting like a Devil: usually through torturing another and consuming the horrible and terrifying creations of Hell. These stages go instead from Lost Soul to Nuisance to Tormentor to Fiend. Just like Humanity, greater and greater upkeep (of the Devilish kind) is required to keep these Stages and they can be sacrificed to heal. Unlike Humanity, the more Diabolical a character becomes the easier it is for them to exist in Hell. They become protected from its fires or other "natural" obstacles and instead of looking at the characters as a mark, target for torture, or a meal other Devils will look at the character as rival to be feared, respected, or envied.
Finally every character comes with a unique power which defines something only they can do. Each of these are different, so I suggest reading the summary of each of them to give you an idea of how they work. Each of these determine the main thrust of what playing each character is like, and often incorporate their own unique mechanics and the mechanics introduced above in their own unique way.
ii. Character Examples
a. Lord
The Lord was once a passionate leader who cared deeply for their domain, and ruled over it as best they could. Eventually this was used against them and they were manipulated into making terrible decisions which eventually led to not only their demise, but also that of their subjects.
The Lord's power it to be able to gain the trust of others and to act as their leader. The Lord must balance the power they can wield against their Underlings loyalty and desires.
Play the Lord if you want to be responsible for forming, holding together, and wielding the power of the most powerful alliance in Hell.
+lvl : Ruling, Combat
+lvl/2 : Oration, Strategy
Traits: Rash ● ● ○ ○ ○ Responsible ● ○ ○ ○ ○
Examples: Edelgard von Hresvelg from FE:3H, Most GoT Characters, the Player from Kind of Dragon Pass
b. Crusader
The Crusader was a staunch defender and champion of the weak, sticking up for those who needed sticking up for. They made their life into a quest against injustice and devoted themselves to good. As time went on their quest stopped leading them to combat evil and instead brought them into conflict with innocents. Eventually their actions against those innocents left them ostracized by the community they used to stand for, which led to their demise.
The Crusader's power is to declare Oaths to themselves which grant them tremendous abilities as long as they are upheld and Pledges to Hell which grant protections as long as they serve as a proper symbol.
Play the Crusader if you want to become the ultimate champion of a cause by holding yourself to a personal code and managing your public perception.
+lvl : Combat, Evangelizing
+lvl/2 : Theology, Tactics
Traits: Stubborn ● ● ○ ○ ○ Protective ● ○ ○ ○ ○
Examples: Miko from Oots, Arthas from Warcraft, Overzealous Paladins/Holy Warriors from everywhere
c. Priest
The Priest was once a respected healer and thinker in their community, but they let this go to their head and became corrupt in their position. Their ego and indulgences eventually caught up with them and caused them to fail their community and, ultimately, led to their demise.
As the Priest, you can find and define what is true and meaningful in Hell. By specifying a set of truths you can control what miracles you have access to and to what you will be held accountable to.
Play the Priest if you want to explore what is and isn't true for you in Hell, and gain power from you findings.
+lvl : Theology, Medicine
+lvl/2 : Combat, Science
Traits: Arrogant ● ● ○ ○ ○ Caring ● ○ ○ ○ ○
Examples: Dr. Strange from Marvel, Jordan Peterson from The Horror Which is Real Life
d. Rebel
The Rebel was once an outcast in their community. On the edges of society, they found an organization to belong to which gave them what they needed. They used the knowledge they gained to set up their revenge on the community, which led to the downfall of themselves and everyone else involved.
As the Rebel, you get your power from both your relationships with those you left behind and those you joined in Hell. You start with contacts in the real world and in Hell who you can exchange favors with for spells and powers.
Play the Rebel if you are interested in wheeling and dealing with the powers of Hell and unfortunate souls back on Earth in exchange for power.
+lvl : Philosophy, Combat
+lvl/2 : Subterfuge, Theology
Traits: Manipulative ● ● ○ ○ ○ Sensitive ● ○ ○ ○ ○
Examples: idk, like a communist spy or leader of a cult/splinter cell of a cult?????
e. Genius
The Genius was a respected and distinguished leader in their field, who was working on an awesome and terrible project for their organization. An outside force came and threatened the Genius, forcing them to be their agent and work against the original organization. Eventually, the Genius' betrayal was discovered, and brought about their demise.
The Genius's power is to prepare terrible and powerful spells which they can unleash to great effect. Any number of spells can be prepared or learned, the only limitation is the Genius' time, resources, and desire to do so.
Play the Genius if you want to create plans and manage resources to wield the most powerful magics and overcome the largest obstacles.
+lvl : Engineering, Math
+lvl/2 : Science, Subterfuge
Traits: Cowardly ● ● ○ ○ ○ Ingenious ● ○ ○ ○ ○
Examples: Walter White from Breaking Bad, Rhialto the Marvelous from Vance's Dying Earth, Elon Musk from The Horror Which is Real Life
f. Villain
The Villain was a scourge on the land, spreading their dark power into all the cracks and crevices of the world. Eventually they got their hands on a captive who even the Villain couldn't bring themselves to kill, and eventually let go free. The release of the prisoner was the Villain's one redeeming act, and it brought about their demise.
The Villain's power is to invoke powerful Sorceries core to their being without relying on any outside objects, ideologies, or relationships.
Play the Villain if you want to wield terrible forces inherent to you, which no one else can have any effect on.
+lvl : Intimidation, Scheming
+lvl/2 : Philosophy, Authority
Traits: Distant ● ● ○ ○ ○ Thoughtful ● ○ ○ ○ ○
Examples: Elric of Melniboné from Moorcock's Books, Talion from SoM, Guldan from Warcraft
g. Thief
The Thief stole with from whomever they desired with not a care in the world, spending weeks and going days without rest to take well earned prizes from their victims. This eventually all came crashing down when they acquired knowledge they shouldn't have, and brought about their own demise.
The Thief's power is to steal not only physical objects, but also the have access to take form the Material, Mind, and Mouth of anything or one encountered in Hell.
Play the Thief if you want to have a finger in everything else's things, knowledge, and relationships, and be able to take them for yourself.
+lvl : Subterfuge, Discretion
+lvl/2 : Finance, Science
Traits: Obsessed ● ● ○ ○ ○ Inquisitive ● ○ ○ ○ ○
Examples: Cugel the Clever from Vance's Dying Earth
h. Fake
The Fake was once a member of an oppressed group who became someone else in order to escape their tormentors. They committed heinous acts in order to keep their cover until, eventually, their died after living their life as a lie.
As the Fake you are able to take on disguises and personalities in Hell. Each of these can become more or less real, perhaps even eclipsing you in the eyes of everyone else.
Play the Fake if you want to create and cultivate personalities to solve problems while trying to figure out what makes you you in the process.
+lvl : Murder, Subterfuge
+lvl/2 : Combat, Revelry
Traits: Ruthless ● ● ○ ○ ○ Comfortable ● ○ ○ ○ ○
Examples: Bash from GLOW, a Jew who became a Nazi to escape the Holocaust
i. Performer
The Performer was once a successful artist who, upon reaching the top became corrupted by fame. They abused their powers while doing everything they could to keep others down and hide their sins. Eventually their misdeeds got out, which led to their demise.
As the Performer, you can determine the reality of Hell. You can create places to go or things to retrieve, changing the game everyone is playing.
Play the Performer if you want to forge your own reality and make the game you're playing yours.
+lvl : Artistry, Revelry
+lvl/2 : Combat, Finance
Traits: Liar ● ● ○ ○ ○ Inspirational ● ○ ○ ○ ○
Examples: Like any of the horrible artists you hear about on this godforsaken planet. everyone is problematic. everyone is canceled.
III. How does the game work?
So I've done a lot of rambling about all these systems and ideas, but how does the game actually play? How do things go down, what dice are rolled, how does it all work? This is the section where I'll try to talk about all that. There are going to be many things which are left unsaid or not given enough detail to actually play. Part of this is may be that I probably haven't thought about the question you're asking, part may be that I haven't gone into so much detail to keep this document readable, and part may be that I haven't decided how I want it to go down yet. The great thing about running your own system is if we need answers to questions we can decide them for ourselves. I'm hoping here to give a broad enough outline to let people understand the other things I've written and to also decide if they would like to play or not.
i. Structure
The overarching structure of the game which I envision is a trek of characters from the First Layer of Hell, where they wash up after their death, all the way down to the Ninth Layer where they will finally be able to meet with its Lord and perhaps achieve their goals. Though each individual character's reason for delving deeper will be unique, the need to reach the 9th is driven by the fact that in Hell any true change can only be achieved by reaching the bottom. The structure of Hell naturally divides our story into nine different parts, one for each layer. The pacing, themes, and mechanics of each layer will vary widely, but the general mechanics and ideas outlined in this document should remain relatively constant.
Its likely that between each layer I will have to take a break to get everything together for the next one, but excusing that I hope to have sessions regularly every other week when possible. The plan is to end each session early in order to give time to have a debrief/recap about what has occurred and come to an agreement as a group as to how the party has progressed. It is during this recap that we will figure out if the characters change their Experience Points, Traits, Adjectives, Humanity, or any other progress markers that may come up. This is also a great time to get a broad understanding of what will happen for the next game and if any preparations need to be done before the next session. After the game, I plan on writing up a recap to post to Discord in less than a week, containing any specific questions that need to be answered before/at the next session. After posting this the remaining week off can be used to tie up any loose ends, such as any solo actions party members wish to take or figuring out what characters absent from the previous session were doing in the meantime. This is also the time to meet up and discuss the necessary preparations for any non-core members who may want to come for the next week so we can figure out what their roll will be.
At the start of the next session I will provide the recap of the previous one and fill in the players on anything which happened between sessions that they need to know. From there the session itself will start and the process will begin again.
ii. The Game
I would be lying if I said that I fully know how all of the rules for this game will work through all Nine Layers, since I will be writing and making up a large chunk as things go along. I'll try to give enough of an overview as to not surprise anyone in this section. The basic mechanic which I'll be basing most of the game off of is the same most of D&D: rolling a die, adding bonuses, and then comparing it to a number to try to do a thing. There are the new mechanics as to what can apply bonuses which were talked about above, so I'll outline specifically what most rolls will look like with the following equation:
d20 + Stat Modifier + Level Bonus + Adjective Bonus + Misc. Modifiers
Where:
Stat Modifier is the modifier provided by the Statistic related to the action
Level Bonus is +lvl if related to Character/Trait, + lvl/2 if kinda related to Character/Trait, or +0 if not related to character
Adjective Bonus is +Rank of the highest Rank Adjective which matches with the action in question.
If this sounds confusing, don't worry, I'm sure we'll all get the hang of it after a bit and I'll be there to help you through it.
In addition to die rolls, I'd like to center in game descriptions and plans for actions. Instead of a, "There is a trap," "OK I disarm it," exchange, I'm hoping to spend more time actually describing situations and hoping that players do the same for their characters. This is important because with the addition of Traits and Adjectives, how an action is done can be more important that what is done for the game. If a character with Reckless as an Adjective disarms a trap by throwing a bomb into it they can use it to give them a bonus, while a character sneakily getting an enemy to walk into it to set it off may use this at the end of session debrief as evidence that they should improve the Rank of their Conniving Trait. In the past I have done a poor job of making space for other's ideas when doing this, so I'm planning to focus on being more accepting and generous with allowing things to work than I have been.
Above I mention HP and damage, but don't really explain the system I was thinking of using to make this all happen. In the Hell Game HP will only represent an abstract protection from damage due to rolling with the blow, getting lucky, or otherwise avoiding physical harm. When a character is reduced to 0 HP they don't suffer any immediate negative effects, but all addition damage done to them from now on will cause serious wounds to their body. This is represented by taking the damage dealt and using it as severity for the wound chart in 2nd Edition's Combat & Tactics. In this system critical hits will simply cause increased damage, making them much more likely to cause these sever wounds, but not causing them in and of themselves.
IV. Why Write Up All These Rules?
Well, I mean, it would be nice if you read them so that when we play the game we are all on the same page, but theres more than that. A big reason is just to have one place to go back to in case I forget what I have said or decided before. In addition, I hope this document has given you a feel for what the game will look like, which hopefully can help you decide if you are interested in playing in it or not. Though I have thought a lot about and worked on this for a long time, none of the rules have actually been play tested and I have shared my thoughts with very few people up to this point, (and the thoughts I have shared often have become abandoned or are no longer relevant to the game as it exists now) so please let me know if you disagree with the ideas presented, don't understand something, or have any other feedback you think would be helpful to me in designing/running this game. RPGs are nothing without players, so please be a part of this experiment with me.
V. When?
Session 0 and 1 of The Hell Game will be occurring in January 2020.
Friday, December 13, 2019
A Teaser Trailer Anouncement
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Black billowing clouds, lightning flashes, and rumbling noises fill the screen before ominous gold text floats into the middle:
As the text fades an image slowly comes out of the darkness before fading back out.
Nine candles almost illuminate the nine faces of nine people. Flickering flames just barely fail to show more than their shadowy outlines.
Flash through the nine images, each fading in then out for half a second:
There is a dusty scene in what looks like a cross between the desert around LA and Mars. You can't see the sun through a dark suffocating haze, and instead a brownish red glow fills the air, coming from everywhere at once. Train tracks go off in either direction and lying next to them are overturned cargo cars and a damaged locomotive. A dead bodies and smashed shipping containers lay strewn about the area.
The image is inside what appears to be a large spacious office. The architecture and furnishings are all hard angles along with realistic paintings of numerous people on what appears to be their worst days of their lives. The view from the floor to celling windows overlooks a greenish gray city choked by crowded buildings, all puffing out black smoke. A tattooed woman in a dress with a burn scar on her left calf looks away from the camera out over the city, sipping something red from a juice box.
A shot angled looking up, the bottom of the screen is filled with with a black bubbling swamp covered in mist. Small sickly vegetation pushes up through the ground along with a set of large wooden stilts. Sitting on top of the stilts is a grand and impressive manor house, covered in ornate gilding, woodwork, and gargoyles. There appears to be no doors or stairs allowing for entrance or exit to the house sitting below a yellow sky.
Where the previous office shot was in a large open room, this one is small, dark, and choked with smoke. A figure and their large chair are barely visible beyond an oversized desk. A deep red glow emanates from the room itself and a cigar in the figures mouth, illuminating just enough to see their cruel smirk and protruding horns.
Another shot looking up, this one into a freezing clear azure sky. Framed in the middle is some sort of fort which seems to be jutting out of a glacier. Its hard to tell in the short time but it almost seems to be bobbing up and down like a ship docked at sea. The walls on the fort seem to be on the verge of breaking apart, not just because of their age, but also from the near constant polishing they are subjected to, wearing away their strength. A vague sense of movement comes from the fort's battlements, giving the impression that it is still heavily guarded.
All you see is a huge slope of rocks tumbling down for the whole duration of this scene. Between the stones sometimes comes pale white smoke, hiding an inky blackness which you can't imagine ever escaping. At times it seems as though you can see people swallowed up and rolling with the landslide, but its impossible to tell if they are actual bodies or just rocks shaped to fool your eyes.
This sky is a deep red with black clouds hanging high. Or maybe they're red clouds on a black sky? Its hard to tell peering up in the alleyway between two bombed out buildings. Its unclear if anyone is living in the destroyed ruins that surround you or if the fires and movement in the shadows are just from rats and destruction. Seeing the image gives you an uneasy feeling of panic, like walking through an unfamiliar neighborhood trying to make the last train out.
This image is pointed straight at the ground, which seems to be made of solid blue-gray ice. Black snow whips about a few huddled forms which try to make their way across the scene in the blizzard. The camera slowly zooms out, moving upwards till a flash of lightning illuminates figures in the ice below. Their forms are almost beyond description, dark limbs and mouths, jutting and contorting while frozen in the ice. Only two things about these impossibly ancient entities are clear: there are two of them and they are locked in conflict.
The final image is that of a waterfall of sorts. Inside a deep canyon whose walls obscure the sky a huge torrent of water falls from above. This river is filled with garbage of all sorts: a suit of armor, a head with black hair and many ear piercings, a two handed sword made of flame, a sickly looking body which has half become an ooze, a dead dog. These all fall unceremoniously into a pool which seems to be sucking them away towards its bottom, draining away any evidence that they once existed. At the end of the canyon, behind the river and the pool and out of focus, there appears to be an impossibly large and imposing spire jutting from the earth.
A number of images flash across the screen for an ever shorter amount of time:
A cop with a distressingly bushy mustache, distressingly similar eyebrows, and aviators.
An armored figure out of Dark Souls covered in dust with a broken sword on their back and a revolver on their hip.
An ancient black leather grimoire.
A two headed ax with the strings, dials, and nobs of an electric base guitar.
The yawning mouth of a vampire squid with darkness for a beak.
SPACE RESERVED FOR RETCONS
An animated manikin wearing strange cloths over their impossibly long, skinny body.
A squat and flattened creature with a horrible scowl, star covered wizard robes, and a matching pointy hat.
A forest of people crucified, their crosses burning.
A giant shark the size of an aircraft carrier jumping out of a sea.
An androgynous figure with a pixie cut and an oversized FUSU sweatshirt almost covering their boxers.
A dvd box of the 2001 movie Super Troopers.
A woman in a gray overcoat hiding a breast plate beneath. She looks tiered but determined.
A hole in the ground.
A small creature with a uniform which says "Mail Goblin" across the front.
A cube with 8 sides.
A general with a ponytail high and tight against her head. She is looking over a map with small figurines.
A giant fighting robot on the side of a volcano.
A brown sloth with a blanket pulled up to their chest. They have large dark rings under their eyes and look like they're in pain.
A teepee made of chains, jangling in the wind.
The Bone Wagon, in all her damaged glory.
A pirate ship manned by figures in fur coats.
SPACE RESERVED FOR FUTURE USE
A receptionist asking if you have an appointment.
The physical manifestation of confusion and frustration.
and finally
A Devil who is without question the most handsome of all Devils, as well as being the strongest and most cunning. You can tell he is soft-spoken, articulate, and chillingly reasonable with just a glance.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Expected length of teaser trailer: 30 seconds
Expected budget to produce teaser trailer: $384,213
Black billowing clouds, lightning flashes, and rumbling noises fill the screen before ominous gold text floats into the middle:
#############################################
# A Darkness Approaches with the New Decade #
#############################################
As the text fades an image slowly comes out of the darkness before fading back out.
Nine candles almost illuminate the nine faces of nine people. Flickering flames just barely fail to show more than their shadowy outlines.
#############################################
# The Shadow Hanging Over The Multiverse... #
#############################################
Flash through the nine images, each fading in then out for half a second:
There is a dusty scene in what looks like a cross between the desert around LA and Mars. You can't see the sun through a dark suffocating haze, and instead a brownish red glow fills the air, coming from everywhere at once. Train tracks go off in either direction and lying next to them are overturned cargo cars and a damaged locomotive. A dead bodies and smashed shipping containers lay strewn about the area.
The image is inside what appears to be a large spacious office. The architecture and furnishings are all hard angles along with realistic paintings of numerous people on what appears to be their worst days of their lives. The view from the floor to celling windows overlooks a greenish gray city choked by crowded buildings, all puffing out black smoke. A tattooed woman in a dress with a burn scar on her left calf looks away from the camera out over the city, sipping something red from a juice box.
A shot angled looking up, the bottom of the screen is filled with with a black bubbling swamp covered in mist. Small sickly vegetation pushes up through the ground along with a set of large wooden stilts. Sitting on top of the stilts is a grand and impressive manor house, covered in ornate gilding, woodwork, and gargoyles. There appears to be no doors or stairs allowing for entrance or exit to the house sitting below a yellow sky.
Where the previous office shot was in a large open room, this one is small, dark, and choked with smoke. A figure and their large chair are barely visible beyond an oversized desk. A deep red glow emanates from the room itself and a cigar in the figures mouth, illuminating just enough to see their cruel smirk and protruding horns.
Another shot looking up, this one into a freezing clear azure sky. Framed in the middle is some sort of fort which seems to be jutting out of a glacier. Its hard to tell in the short time but it almost seems to be bobbing up and down like a ship docked at sea. The walls on the fort seem to be on the verge of breaking apart, not just because of their age, but also from the near constant polishing they are subjected to, wearing away their strength. A vague sense of movement comes from the fort's battlements, giving the impression that it is still heavily guarded.
All you see is a huge slope of rocks tumbling down for the whole duration of this scene. Between the stones sometimes comes pale white smoke, hiding an inky blackness which you can't imagine ever escaping. At times it seems as though you can see people swallowed up and rolling with the landslide, but its impossible to tell if they are actual bodies or just rocks shaped to fool your eyes.
This sky is a deep red with black clouds hanging high. Or maybe they're red clouds on a black sky? Its hard to tell peering up in the alleyway between two bombed out buildings. Its unclear if anyone is living in the destroyed ruins that surround you or if the fires and movement in the shadows are just from rats and destruction. Seeing the image gives you an uneasy feeling of panic, like walking through an unfamiliar neighborhood trying to make the last train out.
This image is pointed straight at the ground, which seems to be made of solid blue-gray ice. Black snow whips about a few huddled forms which try to make their way across the scene in the blizzard. The camera slowly zooms out, moving upwards till a flash of lightning illuminates figures in the ice below. Their forms are almost beyond description, dark limbs and mouths, jutting and contorting while frozen in the ice. Only two things about these impossibly ancient entities are clear: there are two of them and they are locked in conflict.
The final image is that of a waterfall of sorts. Inside a deep canyon whose walls obscure the sky a huge torrent of water falls from above. This river is filled with garbage of all sorts: a suit of armor, a head with black hair and many ear piercings, a two handed sword made of flame, a sickly looking body which has half become an ooze, a dead dog. These all fall unceremoniously into a pool which seems to be sucking them away towards its bottom, draining away any evidence that they once existed. At the end of the canyon, behind the river and the pool and out of focus, there appears to be an impossibly large and imposing spire jutting from the earth.
#####################
# Finally Descends! #
#####################
A number of images flash across the screen for an ever shorter amount of time:
A cop with a distressingly bushy mustache, distressingly similar eyebrows, and aviators.
An armored figure out of Dark Souls covered in dust with a broken sword on their back and a revolver on their hip.
An ancient black leather grimoire.
A two headed ax with the strings, dials, and nobs of an electric base guitar.
The yawning mouth of a vampire squid with darkness for a beak.
SPACE RESERVED FOR RETCONS
An animated manikin wearing strange cloths over their impossibly long, skinny body.
A squat and flattened creature with a horrible scowl, star covered wizard robes, and a matching pointy hat.
A forest of people crucified, their crosses burning.
A giant shark the size of an aircraft carrier jumping out of a sea.
An androgynous figure with a pixie cut and an oversized FUSU sweatshirt almost covering their boxers.
A dvd box of the 2001 movie Super Troopers.
A woman in a gray overcoat hiding a breast plate beneath. She looks tiered but determined.
A hole in the ground.
A small creature with a uniform which says "Mail Goblin" across the front.
A cube with 8 sides.
A general with a ponytail high and tight against her head. She is looking over a map with small figurines.
A giant fighting robot on the side of a volcano.
A brown sloth with a blanket pulled up to their chest. They have large dark rings under their eyes and look like they're in pain.
A teepee made of chains, jangling in the wind.
The Bone Wagon, in all her damaged glory.
A pirate ship manned by figures in fur coats.
SPACE RESERVED FOR FUTURE USE
A receptionist asking if you have an appointment.
The physical manifestation of confusion and frustration.
and finally
A Devil who is without question the most handsome of all Devils, as well as being the strongest and most cunning. You can tell he is soft-spoken, articulate, and chillingly reasonable with just a glance.
###################################
# THE HELL GAME #
# Produced By: The Powers That Be #
###################################
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Expected length of teaser trailer: 30 seconds
Expected budget to produce teaser trailer: $384,213
Friday, October 4, 2019
The Crusader
The Cruasder
The Crusader was a staunch defender and champion of the weak, sticking up for those who needed sticking up for. They made their life into a quest against injustice and devoted themselves to good. As time went on their quest stopped leading them to combat evil and instead brought them into conflict with innocents. Eventually their actions against innocents left them ostracized by the community they used to stand for, which led to their demise.
The Crusader's power is to declare Oaths to themselves which grant them tremendous abilities as long as they are upheld and to declare pledges to Hell which grand protections as long as they serve as a proper symbol.
Play the Crusader if you want to become the ultimate champion of a cause by holding yourself to a personal code and managing your public perception.
With the Crusader, you can craft yourself some of the most powerful abilities in the game. However, you will constantly have to tread personal and public lines to keep your access to those powers.
Examples: Arthas (if he died and went to Hell instead of becoming a death knight),
Str: 17
Int: 8
Wis: 13
Dex: 10
Con: 11
Chr: 16
HP: 21
+lvl : Combat, Evangelizing
+lvl/2 : Theology, Tactics
Traits:
Stubborn ● ● ○ ○ ○
The Crusader is someone who rarely compromises or changes their mind. This character is the sort of person who would stand up for whats they believe in against an army or refuse to admit that they were wrong even when presented with overwhelming evidence.
● – Can check to avoid having mind changed or to ignore new developments.
● ● – Can declare a "truth" and must make a save vs anything which would contradict said truth.
Protective ● ○ ○ ○ ○
The Crusader is a vigilant person, who strives to defend everything they care about. This character is the sort of person who would offer someone the shirt off their back with no expectation of anything in return or stand by a friend, even when they turned out to be truly horrible.
● – Can check to redirect opponents attention away from their friends to themselves.
Oaths and Pledges:
As the Crusader your power comes from your steadfast convictions. By believing in a cause with unquestioning certainty and holding themselves to a higher standard the Crusader is able to stand against the mightiest of Devils and perform feats which rival their powers. As the Crusader gets a better sense of themselves they can make personal oaths which provide them with access to new abilities and public pledges to all of Hell which make them impervious to attacks. While the Crusader gains great power from these Oaths, if they ever break them they will loose all of their benefits until they can regain their steadfast composure.
For each Rank of each Trait the Crusader may make an appropriate Oath to give themselves an appropriate ability. These Oaths may start relatively minor at lower ranks and must become more extreme as the ranks go up. It is important to note that these Oaths are not made to any outside entity, but only from the Crusader to themselves. In fact, no one else knows what the Crusader's Oaths are unless they tell them, and they can feel free to lie. As long as the Crusader is able to convince themselves they are upholding the Oath they will keep the power. (If a player wishes to play a delusional Crusader or one who otherwise takes advantage of this fact it is important that the Crusader acts as though they truly believe what they claim to. It is important that the arbiter and player communicate with each other to make sure no mechanical abuse is happening.)
Below is an example of Oaths and Powers relating to each rank of the Trait Savior:
| Savior Rank | Oath | Power |
|---|---|---|
| ● ○ ○ ○ ○ | I will do no harm | Non-Lethal Attacks |
| ● ● ○ ○ ○ | I will help those who ask for it | Lay on Hands |
| ● ● ● ○ ○ | I will leave every situation better | Cure Disease |
| ● ● ● ● ○ | I will save anyone in need | Holy Shield |
| ● ● ● ● ● | I will fix Everything | Raise Dead |
Non-Lethal Attacks would give the Crusader the ability to perform attacks with the intention of resolving conflicts leaving the opponents unharmed. The exact means can defy most reasonable logic (disarming a tiger by trimming its claws and/or teeth with a single slash, hitting enemies so hard you bury them up to their necks in the ground while leaving them unharmed, etc.) with the effect scaling with damage (<10: inconvenienced, 10-19: majorly inconvenienced, 20-29: temporarily incapacitated, 30+ incapacitated for foreseeable future).
Lay on Hands gives the Crusader the ability to heal incapacitated for an amount which scales with their level. (probably 2HP/lvl?)
Cure Disease would give them the power to fix the causes of problems instead of just acting on the symptoms of the problems. The exact definition of "cure" and "disease" here can be quite flexible, and it could be used on entities besides persons. The more major the problem the more the Crusader would have to put into getting the desired solution.
Holy Shield would allow the Crusader conjure a magical shield which could protect another target from damage and attacks. I imagine there could only be one barrier and it would remain for as long as the target remained within line of sight of the Crusader and the Crusader wished to uphold the power. During this time they would be immune to any hostility, though not the consequences of their own actions.
Raise Dead would allow the bringing back of an entity which would normally be considered past the point of no return. As with Cure Disease the exact definitions here are flexible, and the more they are flexed the more additional work is required by the Crusader.
With each of these Oaths and Powers I attempted to match the Oath with an ability which would allow it to be carried out, with all of them still falling under a reasonable definition of the Trait to which they are derived from. Though the lower level powers are only especially useful for a character who has made the respective Oath, the higher level ones are supposed to get quite powerful with Rank 5 having the power usually only seen by Wish magic in other campaigns.
Each of these abilities can only be used once before it can must be recharged, though the act which recharges the power can be the same which expends it. This means that as long as the Crusader is using their Non-Lethal Attacks to attempt to do no harm they can keep using them. Once they decide to use this power for any other reason they must perform an action in the cause of doing no harm before they are able to perform the Non-Lethal Attacks again. This is the general form for powers which I wish to emulate, but other powers may work differently with multiple charges or slightly different ways of getting them back.
For each Rank of each Trait the Crusader may make an appropriate Pledge to give themselves an appropriate Defense. Just like the Oaths, Pledges start relatively minor with minor benefits before becoming quite powerful at high Ranks. Unlike Oaths, Pledges are not made to oneself but instead are yelled from rooftops to all of Hell. While Oath's power comes from the Crusader's belief in themselves, Pledges come instead from Hell's belief in the Crusader. This means that the Crusader does not need to actually uphold whatever pledge they make, and instead must only appear to uphold any such pledges to any who are watching. While powers are things which are activated by the Crusader with limited uses, Defenses are limitless innate/passive bonuses.
Below is an example of Pledges and Defenses relating to each rank of the Adjective Just:
| Just Rank | Pledge | Defense |
|---|---|---|
| ● ○ ○ ○ ○ | I will not harbor the Unjust | Detect Injustice |
| ● ● ○ ○ ○ | I will not permit the performing of Injustice | Attacks Cause Arrest |
| ● ● ● ○ ○ | I will bring Justice to any I meet | Long Arm of the Law |
| ● ● ● ● ○ | I will bring Justice to the most Unjust | Incite Mob |
| ● ● ● ● ● | I will bring The Universe to Justice | Immune to Unjust Attacks |
Detect Injustice allows the Crusader to innately know what Injustices Hell considers whoever they are talking to to have committed.
For Attacks Cause Arrest, whenever the Crusader deals damage to an opponent they must make a save equal to the damage dealt or be considered "under arrest". If they are under arrest they must either give themselves up to the authorities (usually the Crusader) to decide their punishment or they can "run from the law," attempting to escape the Crusader.
Long Arm of the Law gives the Crusader the ability to get a free attack against anyone trying to escape them they could reach, regardless of the circumstances. They also move twice as fast when attempting to chase down the Unjust.
Incite Mob means, whether they want them to or not, the Crusaders actions attract the attention of those around who will circle and demand justice be served, whatever that means.
At the highest Rank Pledge, the Crusader becomes immune to anything which is considered "Unjust". This probably means that ambushes or similar strategies can no longer harm the Crusader, though honorable duels and just deserts could still bring them down.
Again the Defenses increase in power as the Rank of Pledge increases, and they are always related to the Pledge which is made. In addition the Defenses all operate under the understanding of Hell as opposed to the Crusader themselves, so what is and isn't Just is not up to the Crusader.
The Crusader does not start with any Pledges or Oaths even though they do start with Traits. Instead, they must make them at reasonable moments over the course of the game. At the end of each session a Crusader may gain one Pledge or Oath whose ranks are less than or equal to the Level of the Crusader. In addition each Rank must be taken in order, no skipping Ranks. Making an Oath requires a moment of personal reflection and thought, while Pledges instead require the new decision to be yelled to the world from the mountain tops. In order to provide everyone the time to figure out what Power or Defense is appropriate I suggest that this happens between sessions.
Just as Oaths and Pledges can be made, they can be likewise abandoned. This happens in the exact same way as gaining them, in a moment of quiet contemplation or a loud proclamation. They can also be lost if the Crusader fails to live up to them. In the event that the Crusader takes an action which clearly shows that they are not holding themselves to their own Oaths or shows Hell that they are not holding themselves to their Pledges they will loose that Oath/Pledge and the Power/Defense which goes along with it. In addition, since their faith in themselves or Hell's faith in them has been likewise shattered they temporarily loose all of their other Powers or Defenses respectively. These will remain unavailable and can't be used till the Crusader makes a change in their Traits/Adjectives (respectively). If the same action causes a loss of Oath/Pledge and Trait/Adjective it doesn't count for this.
Sunday, September 1, 2019
Steve's Diary: Intro 42-47
Somewhere, perhaps very far away, perhaps very near, or perhaps incomprehensibly other to where it was made, someone or something will find a small wooden box, about a one foot by one foot six inches. Maybe they will be someone who knew the people depicted in its contents, maybe they will be those actual people, or maybe they will be completely unrelated. This could happen very soon after the documents were made, it could happen long past when their events occurred, or it could even happen before they take place.
In any case, the following describes the box and its contents to whomever finds them in whatever circumstances.
The front of the box has a series of what appear to be symbols carved onto the front. They may even appear to be letters if one looks close enough, but it is clear that these were copied incredibly crudely and painstakingly by someone who did not understand what they were carving. The symbols appear to be "sTEvE + sIr G", followed by a single gash stained by blood when the engraver slipped before getting their tool confiscated and giving up on their project.
Opening the box, the first thing one notices are a series of many colored cylinders rolling around inside. Most of them seem to be made of a waxy substance of a solid color, though some appear to be made of strange materials possessing strange colors and even stranger properties.
There are also hundreds of pieces of paper piled in the box, conveniently both in chronological order and separated into arbitrary sections. One lies above all others at the very top of the pile.
It is a plain sheet covered in a simple waxy black scrawl raised off the page. There also appears to have stains from small droplets of salty water mixed with meth-amphetamine littering the page. It reads as follows:
-------------------------------
(The next line appears to be a glossy black with sparkling flecks of gold instead of the previous plain matte)
(After the previous line trails off the notes start up again in a more manic and twitchy handwriting)
-------------------------------
Next are a number of pages which all littered with markings of the Cryons of all different colors. Some of them appear to depict shapes, animals, and people, but often they are just chaotic swirls and scribbles.
Next is a page written in a beautiful ornate cursive with ink. Each word has jutting branches giving the impression that the text is a number of strange multi-legged creature skittering around the page. It says the following:
-------------------------------
(There is also the artist's signature in the bottom right of page and a smiley face in blue Cryon which was added after.)
-------------------------------
The rest of the contents seem to be arranged in roughly chronological order, and the first section of papers will be described below.
-------------------------------
A page which shows a smiling stick figure with long dreadlocks accompanied by a happy sloth drawn using a Cryon the color of inner peace. They are outside a stone house talking with a frowning women. Inside the house is a frowning man and a smiling 25 year old boy.
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
A page which shows the dreadlocked person with a bushy brown mustache sitting with the sloth who is now wearing lipstick and the boy. Above their heads is a speech bubble with a wolfman the color of puberty who smells like anxiety along with a pointy shoe-ed sorcerer drawn with a Cryon which quite frankly has rude and unkind disposition. Neither the mustachioed figure, the boy, nor the sloth are smiling.
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
The next few pages shows the person with dreadlocks and the sloth along with a few others. There are an assortment of Bayrian children along with three identical looking men. There is also an androgynous figure with one arm longer than the other and a woman with her hair back in pony tail. In the pictures the ensemble are often giving each other hugs with one standing in front while the others sit. The woman looks very, very tiered.
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
There is a page with an ensemble of people standing under a cool sun with sunglasses. They include:
The dreadlocked person with the sloth the color on inner peace.
The person with one arm longer than the other.
A woman drawn with Cryons the color of vanity and pride. She has an inky shadow behind her painted with watercolors.
Another woman who appears to be wearing flames. The projection of a three dimensional cube drawn using a three and a half dimensional Cryon appears to float off the page in front of her.
A pair of armored figures who it is unclear if they are arm wrestling or holding hands. The long haired one is holding onto a book in their other hand, while the short haired one has a fish.
An armored figure holding a large pick and a potato. The starchy smell of french fries wafts up from the page.
A masked figure drawn the color mystery.
A leather armored person holding a page with squiggles on it and a wooden T.
A short gnome with no nose drawn the color of insecurity.
A slightly less short slightly bearded dwarf who seems to smell slightly of singed hair.
A helmed person holding with them a large and kinda gross book. They are far away from the figure with the fish.
A short, snarling figure with no shoes. He holds a very large stick with a very large rock at the end.
A cloaked figure with pointy ears and a bow as large as her.
A number of dogs running around at everyone feet.
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
A page showing a large open area shaded in darkness. The ceiling appears to be speckled with star like motes of light drawn using a glow in the dark Cryon. The floor is shaded in with green fluffy lines.
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
This page smells rancid as its taken out, and is wrapped around what is either a cylinder of rotten cheese or a Cryon. The image shows a room covered in disguising greenish grey full of rats, rat men, and some of the ensemble members. Everyone is making a gross face, and the figure wreathed in frames has a thought bubble going up showing an image of the whole room on fire.
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
There is a page which shows a wizard with a goatee, blue robes, and a hole in his chest. He is drawn using only translucent colors. He is pictures next to the ensemble and has a speech bubble with pictures of a dagger, crystals, a ladle, a bug, a large man, 9 copies of himself all smiling together (fully opaque), himself wearing a cowboy hat, ghosts, angry faces with horns on their heads, the Helmeted ensemble member with a frowny face, and a mountain.
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
There is a page which has the woman previously drawn with the shadow now only drawn with normal colors. She appears to be painting a smiley face while holding hands with the sloth who is holding hands with the dreadlocked figure. A large ladle is moving away from the woman full of an angry swirl of the shadow and colors of pride and vanity which were used to draw her before. This page appears to be speculative.
-------------------------------
In any case, the following describes the box and its contents to whomever finds them in whatever circumstances.
The front of the box has a series of what appear to be symbols carved onto the front. They may even appear to be letters if one looks close enough, but it is clear that these were copied incredibly crudely and painstakingly by someone who did not understand what they were carving. The symbols appear to be "sTEvE + sIr G", followed by a single gash stained by blood when the engraver slipped before getting their tool confiscated and giving up on their project.
Opening the box, the first thing one notices are a series of many colored cylinders rolling around inside. Most of them seem to be made of a waxy substance of a solid color, though some appear to be made of strange materials possessing strange colors and even stranger properties.
There are also hundreds of pieces of paper piled in the box, conveniently both in chronological order and separated into arbitrary sections. One lies above all others at the very top of the pile.
It is a plain sheet covered in a simple waxy black scrawl raised off the page. There also appears to have stains from small droplets of salty water mixed with meth-amphetamine littering the page. It reads as follows:
-------------------------------
- New object made from candle wax, pigments, and solvents, melted into stylus
- Useful for marking on hard surfaces
- Poor for detailed notes, too cheap for magical writing, unless......
(The next line appears to be a glossy black with sparkling flecks of gold instead of the previous plain matte)
- Can be easily combined with other magical? materials
- Useful for marking warnings and labels on lab equipment
- Perhaps useful for marking insults and phalluses on sleeping persons
- Could be used to teach to write without need for ink
- Maybe could teach a family
- With a nice Gnomish wife and child in their nice gnomish yar--~~
- Oh God, why did they have to go
(After the previous line trails off the notes start up again in a more manic and twitchy handwriting)
- Notes are resistant to liquid precipitation
- New name after resistance to tears: Cryons
-------------------------------
Next are a number of pages which all littered with markings of the Cryons of all different colors. Some of them appear to depict shapes, animals, and people, but often they are just chaotic swirls and scribbles.
Next is a page written in a beautiful ornate cursive with ink. Each word has jutting branches giving the impression that the text is a number of strange multi-legged creature skittering around the page. It says the following:
-------------------------------
The Diary of
the Member of Josephine Walshe's Manshire Miscreants:
Steve
the Sloth Shaman
Title Page Design, Writing Lessons, and Creative Ownership property of
Josephine Walshe, Vitruoso Entrepreneur
(There is also the artist's signature in the bottom right of page and a smiley face in blue Cryon which was added after.)
-------------------------------
The rest of the contents seem to be arranged in roughly chronological order, and the first section of papers will be described below.
-------------------------------
A page which shows a smiling stick figure with long dreadlocks accompanied by a happy sloth drawn using a Cryon the color of inner peace. They are outside a stone house talking with a frowning women. Inside the house is a frowning man and a smiling 25 year old boy.
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
A page which shows the dreadlocked person with a bushy brown mustache sitting with the sloth who is now wearing lipstick and the boy. Above their heads is a speech bubble with a wolfman the color of puberty who smells like anxiety along with a pointy shoe-ed sorcerer drawn with a Cryon which quite frankly has rude and unkind disposition. Neither the mustachioed figure, the boy, nor the sloth are smiling.
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
The next few pages shows the person with dreadlocks and the sloth along with a few others. There are an assortment of Bayrian children along with three identical looking men. There is also an androgynous figure with one arm longer than the other and a woman with her hair back in pony tail. In the pictures the ensemble are often giving each other hugs with one standing in front while the others sit. The woman looks very, very tiered.
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
There is a page with an ensemble of people standing under a cool sun with sunglasses. They include:
The dreadlocked person with the sloth the color on inner peace.
The person with one arm longer than the other.
A woman drawn with Cryons the color of vanity and pride. She has an inky shadow behind her painted with watercolors.
Another woman who appears to be wearing flames. The projection of a three dimensional cube drawn using a three and a half dimensional Cryon appears to float off the page in front of her.
A pair of armored figures who it is unclear if they are arm wrestling or holding hands. The long haired one is holding onto a book in their other hand, while the short haired one has a fish.
An armored figure holding a large pick and a potato. The starchy smell of french fries wafts up from the page.
A masked figure drawn the color mystery.
A leather armored person holding a page with squiggles on it and a wooden T.
A short gnome with no nose drawn the color of insecurity.
A slightly less short slightly bearded dwarf who seems to smell slightly of singed hair.
A helmed person holding with them a large and kinda gross book. They are far away from the figure with the fish.
A short, snarling figure with no shoes. He holds a very large stick with a very large rock at the end.
A cloaked figure with pointy ears and a bow as large as her.
A number of dogs running around at everyone feet.
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
A page showing a large open area shaded in darkness. The ceiling appears to be speckled with star like motes of light drawn using a glow in the dark Cryon. The floor is shaded in with green fluffy lines.
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
This page smells rancid as its taken out, and is wrapped around what is either a cylinder of rotten cheese or a Cryon. The image shows a room covered in disguising greenish grey full of rats, rat men, and some of the ensemble members. Everyone is making a gross face, and the figure wreathed in frames has a thought bubble going up showing an image of the whole room on fire.
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
There is a page which shows a wizard with a goatee, blue robes, and a hole in his chest. He is drawn using only translucent colors. He is pictures next to the ensemble and has a speech bubble with pictures of a dagger, crystals, a ladle, a bug, a large man, 9 copies of himself all smiling together (fully opaque), himself wearing a cowboy hat, ghosts, angry faces with horns on their heads, the Helmeted ensemble member with a frowny face, and a mountain.
-------------------------------
-------------------------------
There is a page which has the woman previously drawn with the shadow now only drawn with normal colors. She appears to be painting a smiley face while holding hands with the sloth who is holding hands with the dreadlocked figure. A large ladle is moving away from the woman full of an angry swirl of the shadow and colors of pride and vanity which were used to draw her before. This page appears to be speculative.
-------------------------------
Sunday, June 23, 2019
Treygarian Spremeius in Double Dragon
Treygarian Spremeius in,
Double Dragon
Book IXX, Part V, Chapter XXVI of Treygarian's Journeys
Recorded by Alison "Ali" Bee on January 3rd, 3016
Treygarian and his crew sat mournfully in the rotting remains of the town situated at the top of the island **Chasm**. The town which had once been perched above the great crevasse which gave the island its name was now almost swallowed up by dark pollutant goo. It was only a few moments ago that the dark evil goo had swallowed the crew's favorite shipmate and chronicler, Ali.
Bai's head hung low when she asked Treygarian "Who will write of our brave exploits and daring maneuvers now? How will we know that the drinks and love we've shared was real if no one can remember it?"
Treygarian didn't know how to answer the questions. He had been with Ali since his first adventure, (know to followers of this saga as Treygarian Spremeius and the Fated Fabric) and without her he was lost, like a ship without a captain; or a ship without a rudder; or a ship without a map and compass; or a ship without any oars or sails.
His light burning out, Legendary searched for a way to rectify the situations. "We must have some sort of funeral for Ali, something worth of her bravery and the significant impact she has had on our lives, since there is no way that we could simply continue on with our adventure after her passing as though nothing had happened. But I don't think even the largest funeral procession would be enough for the grave her death has dug in our hearts."
Upon hearing his comrade's speech, Zazu! had a plan. He quickly shared the details with the crew, after which they all lined up at the edge of the cliff Chasm was perched upon.
"Ready? GO!" Treygarian yelled and started sprinting with the crew toward the edge of the cliff. At the same time Arrano flew in the sky with a flaming arrow notched in his bow. In one eye was the sorrow for the passing of a friend, but it was with the other eye which burned with a fiery passion for vengeance that he aimed and fired his missile.
When the fire touched the goop it spread like smooth peanut butter through Chasm, quickly causing the largest explosion ever seen on Nadjas (which, as we all know, is the name of the planet where this story takes place). At the same exact moment our heroes jumped, causing the explosion to push them away just like in those super sweet moving pictures illusionist create. Unfortunately the super sweet action scene ended almost immediately as our heroes were enveloped in a dark evil purple bubble, unable to escape the grasp of the island of Chasm.
Chapter XXVII
As the smoke from the coolest-explosion-ever cleared, Treygarian's became visible, trapped in an iridescent opalescent fluorescent almost crescent effervescent orb, controlled by an adolescent prepubescent makes you need anti-depressants because of their incessant incandescents dragon.
"My name is Chasm, Evil Lady of the Oceans!" the beast said slightly too loud in a voice only a mother could love. "And YOU will be my dutiful servants!"
"I would never work for an evil mistress of darkness who was responsible for covering the oceans in black goo and who also ended all of her sentences in exclamation points." Bai said just calmly enough to earn a period.
"I am also a force for good, and so would never be convinced to do evil for you." Legendary added on.
"Hahaha, you may not want to, but you shall be bent to my will!" Chasm exclaimed again, unable to use her inside voice, before using her magics on the crew. The evil glowing colors of creepy deep sea creatures washed over our heroes, hypnotizing their brains.
"If only there were one of you intelligence enough to resist my powers! Perhaps one who spent time writing important and well composed stories! Alas, no such person exists, and so I have complete control over the greatest and most beautiful hero in the land, Treygarian Spremeius!"
On any other day, Treygarian would have been able to resist the deep sea hypnosis of Chasm, but the sadness of loosing his closest friend and companion Ali left him in such a state that the rainbow jellyfish like glow turned his heart to evil.
"We must convince everyone that Khyros is responsible for the black goo, and then hunt him down and kill him," the now transformed Nega-Treygarian stated.
"Yes, I agree. We should do it without any fun tricks or shenanigans. I also hope I don't see a ghost." Zazu! said, their mind clearly muddled.
Arrano's eye of vengeance which once held fire for the murderers of his family turned instead towards Khyros, his heart now filled with a desire to kill the innocent black dragon.
"Good! Good!" Chasm screamed, "Now go to my servant in Atlantis, Prince Meridian the Centrist and claim a ship worthy of your battle against my dragon brother!"
Chapter IIXXX
The (now evil and mind controlled) crew walked into Atlantis' thrown room just in time to hear **Prince Meridian the Centrist** make his decree on the anti-apartheid protests present in Atlantis.
"Racism may be bad, but that's why I can't support your statement that 'Human lives Matter,' and must instead say 'All lives Matter.' Now that we have this cleared up please leave my thrown room you filthy humans, and make sure not to dirty the place up."
"Now who are you creatures?" Meridian said as he turned towards the crew.
"We are agents of the great Chasm of the Sea, and are here to request aid in our battle against the dread Khyros of the void." Bai piped up.
"I know Chasm, Evil Lady of the Oceans, and Khyros the Nice Sweet Boy, and it is clear that you have been brainwashed by Chasm into thinking she is good while Khyros is evil. Normally this would mean I would refuse to help you, but Khyros is large, black, and scary, so I guess I have no choice but to aid you. Please take the Whale Ship, the dopest shit we own even though we can't use it because it goes in the sky and we live underwater."
The charmed party said their thanks and hopped on their new flying ship, eager to spread their lies and misinformation as agents of Chasm.
Double Dragon
Book IXX, Part V, Chapter XXVI of Treygarian's Journeys
Recorded by Alison "Ali" Bee on January 3rd, 3016
Treygarian and his crew sat mournfully in the rotting remains of the town situated at the top of the island **Chasm**. The town which had once been perched above the great crevasse which gave the island its name was now almost swallowed up by dark pollutant goo. It was only a few moments ago that the dark evil goo had swallowed the crew's favorite shipmate and chronicler, Ali.
Bai's head hung low when she asked Treygarian "Who will write of our brave exploits and daring maneuvers now? How will we know that the drinks and love we've shared was real if no one can remember it?"
Treygarian didn't know how to answer the questions. He had been with Ali since his first adventure, (know to followers of this saga as Treygarian Spremeius and the Fated Fabric) and without her he was lost, like a ship without a captain; or a ship without a rudder; or a ship without a map and compass; or a ship without any oars or sails.
His light burning out, Legendary searched for a way to rectify the situations. "We must have some sort of funeral for Ali, something worth of her bravery and the significant impact she has had on our lives, since there is no way that we could simply continue on with our adventure after her passing as though nothing had happened. But I don't think even the largest funeral procession would be enough for the grave her death has dug in our hearts."
Upon hearing his comrade's speech, Zazu! had a plan. He quickly shared the details with the crew, after which they all lined up at the edge of the cliff Chasm was perched upon.
"Ready? GO!" Treygarian yelled and started sprinting with the crew toward the edge of the cliff. At the same time Arrano flew in the sky with a flaming arrow notched in his bow. In one eye was the sorrow for the passing of a friend, but it was with the other eye which burned with a fiery passion for vengeance that he aimed and fired his missile.
When the fire touched the goop it spread like smooth peanut butter through Chasm, quickly causing the largest explosion ever seen on Nadjas (which, as we all know, is the name of the planet where this story takes place). At the same exact moment our heroes jumped, causing the explosion to push them away just like in those super sweet moving pictures illusionist create. Unfortunately the super sweet action scene ended almost immediately as our heroes were enveloped in a dark evil purple bubble, unable to escape the grasp of the island of Chasm.
Chapter XXVII
As the smoke from the coolest-explosion-ever cleared, Treygarian's became visible, trapped in an iridescent opalescent fluorescent almost crescent effervescent orb, controlled by an adolescent prepubescent makes you need anti-depressants because of their incessant incandescents dragon.
"My name is Chasm, Evil Lady of the Oceans!" the beast said slightly too loud in a voice only a mother could love. "And YOU will be my dutiful servants!"
"I would never work for an evil mistress of darkness who was responsible for covering the oceans in black goo and who also ended all of her sentences in exclamation points." Bai said just calmly enough to earn a period.
"I am also a force for good, and so would never be convinced to do evil for you." Legendary added on.
"Hahaha, you may not want to, but you shall be bent to my will!" Chasm exclaimed again, unable to use her inside voice, before using her magics on the crew. The evil glowing colors of creepy deep sea creatures washed over our heroes, hypnotizing their brains.
"If only there were one of you intelligence enough to resist my powers! Perhaps one who spent time writing important and well composed stories! Alas, no such person exists, and so I have complete control over the greatest and most beautiful hero in the land, Treygarian Spremeius!"
On any other day, Treygarian would have been able to resist the deep sea hypnosis of Chasm, but the sadness of loosing his closest friend and companion Ali left him in such a state that the rainbow jellyfish like glow turned his heart to evil.
"We must convince everyone that Khyros is responsible for the black goo, and then hunt him down and kill him," the now transformed Nega-Treygarian stated.
"Yes, I agree. We should do it without any fun tricks or shenanigans. I also hope I don't see a ghost." Zazu! said, their mind clearly muddled.
Arrano's eye of vengeance which once held fire for the murderers of his family turned instead towards Khyros, his heart now filled with a desire to kill the innocent black dragon.
"Good! Good!" Chasm screamed, "Now go to my servant in Atlantis, Prince Meridian the Centrist and claim a ship worthy of your battle against my dragon brother!"
Chapter IIXXX
The (now evil and mind controlled) crew walked into Atlantis' thrown room just in time to hear **Prince Meridian the Centrist** make his decree on the anti-apartheid protests present in Atlantis.
"Racism may be bad, but that's why I can't support your statement that 'Human lives Matter,' and must instead say 'All lives Matter.' Now that we have this cleared up please leave my thrown room you filthy humans, and make sure not to dirty the place up."
"Now who are you creatures?" Meridian said as he turned towards the crew.
"We are agents of the great Chasm of the Sea, and are here to request aid in our battle against the dread Khyros of the void." Bai piped up.
"I know Chasm, Evil Lady of the Oceans, and Khyros the Nice Sweet Boy, and it is clear that you have been brainwashed by Chasm into thinking she is good while Khyros is evil. Normally this would mean I would refuse to help you, but Khyros is large, black, and scary, so I guess I have no choice but to aid you. Please take the Whale Ship, the dopest shit we own even though we can't use it because it goes in the sky and we live underwater."
The charmed party said their thanks and hopped on their new flying ship, eager to spread their lies and misinformation as agents of Chasm.
Monday, December 17, 2018
Treygarian Spremeius and the Entrance of the Dragon
The following is a fictional account of the events of the first session of Joe's Book II game written by my character Alison "Ali" Bee. Those existing in the world may find pamphlets with these words written on them sold for pennies or given away, though Ali would avoid giving people stories in which they are characters. If anyone notices mistakes, they are defiantly there on purpose because Ali is a mediocre fan-fiction author, and defiantly not because of any mistakes I have made. If anyone has suggestions for pictures or other details to include, feel free to contact me so I can make this anthology of stories the best one yet. Without further ado, please enjoy Treygarian Spremeius and the Entrance of the Dragon.
Treygarian Spremeius and the Entrance of the Dragon
Book IIXX, Part XXII, Chapter XVII of Treygarian's Journeys
Recorded by Alison "Ali" Bee on December 23rd, 3015
After defeating the Demon Apes of Gorilla Island and making love to the Sorcerous Chimp Princess Zaynab, (Found in last issue's Treygarian Spremeius and the Spiteful Simian Servants of Satan, now on sale for only 2 copper!) Treygarian walked through Zay's portal to a town as familiar as it was dangerous: Havensworth.
It had been a few months since Treygarian had last set foot in the hub of the Alerians, notorious rivals of our good looking hero. It was with no small sense of pride in his own sense of dramatic timing that Sir Spremeius (as he was known in Havensfeld after the events of Treygarian Spremeius: Battles, Blossoms, and Bosoms, the anthology available for the low low price of 5 copper!) noticed he had arrived on the eve of the yearly celebration of his close friends and colleagues the Witch Hunters. Content knowing he soon could talk once more with the eccentric fellows and shake Gerbo's unusually large hand for the lead on the location Olaf the Orangutan's Gorilla Island hideout, our hero grabbed a pint of ale and leaned against a pillar.
For any new readers, it is imperative at this moment that we describe exactly what gazing upon Treygarian Spremeius' body entails. We'll start with his hair. The shoulder length golden shining locks of Treygarian have been compared to rays of sunlight brushed by Dwarven smiths, shampooed by Elven maidens, and conditioned by Aphrodite herself. Looking down one's senses are pierced by his gorgeous blue eyes, strung up by his cheek bones, and struck by his chiseled jaw. His chest swells with imposing pecs, punctuated by erect caltrop like nipples. Abs like rocks protruding from rapids are only loosely concealed by his ruffled shirt, barely buttoned. Treygarian Spremeius is not easy to miss in a crowd.
Another figure difficult to miss was the shark man known as kAAHH. The seven foot tall creature, clothed only in his cummerbund and armed only with his rows of dagger like teeth, sniffed the air. Like any other warm or cold blooded person, kAAHH was enchanted by our hero's presence, and advanced menacingly toward Treygarian's pillar, saliva leaking from his mouth.
"kAAHH can smell what has value, and he knows what has the most worth here. What be the price of your hair, glorious one!?"
Treygarian smiled at the sahuAAHHgin's desire to own what could not be owned, to tie down what must fly free, that gripped so many people he encountered on his journeys.
"I am in need of an adventure soon, and would not be opposed to having a strong warrior on my side. I could trade you a lock of hair for your services on my crew."
Though the warrior made a show of considering declining the offer, his drooling mouth gave away that he could not refuse. As Treygarian Spremeius cut his glowing mane the sahuAAHHgin fell to one knee and greedily snatched the offered filaments and tucked them into his belt.
"Did I hear something about adventure?" A brave voice said from below.
Looking down, Treygarian saw a halfling with a green stone in her forehead. Though Bai Kai Tian was stout of mind and soul, the direct eye contact of Sir Spremeius made her heart flutter so powerfully she almost looked away.
"My order's scrolls say that it is our duty To Defeat Evil, Drive It Out of the Land, and Hear the Celebration of Men and Women. I'm looking for someone to perform my duty with."
Treygarian smiled a smile which felt like being buried in kittens and replied, "It would be my pleasure to lead you to the end of your order's holy quest."
With this response, Kai was sure that the being before her was the chosen one her order told her about as a child. kAAHH's response was a little different.
"You joined us!? For free!? You FOOL! AHHAHHAHAHAH!" he yelled before wandering off in search of more treasure.
"I have another friend who is also searching for justice," Kai said, gesturing toward the roof. Perched above was the bird person Arrano. Arrano's feathers were radiant will all the colors of the rainbow while his equipment was steeled for all the danger which lay. His left eye held all the sorrow of one who suffered a terrible tragedy and his right all the righteous anger of one who would claim vengeance. The two heroes gazed into each other's eyes tenderly as they recognized another who experienced both gentle love and harsh pain in this melancholy and dangerous world we all inhabit. It was obvious to anyone who saw the single tear each of them shed that Treygarian would lead Arrano to the justice he so desperately needed.
As the crowd fell silent from such a beautiful display of emotion, the organizers of the celebration decided to start the official ceremony. Lady Grace Aleria stepped forward and explained that though the celebration today was for the Witch Hunters, they were unfortunately not able to join for the traditional raffled feast. Right as she was about to cancel the whole affair Lady Grace noticed Treygarian in the crowd. Her heart skipped a beat as she thought back to the the times they strove together and fought against one another both in the field and the bedroom. (as detailed both in Treygarian Spremeius: Battles, Blossoms, and Bosoms and the NOW FREE Treygarian Spremeius and the Apocalyptic Apology of the Alerians) Instead of canceling the dinner as she had planned, Lady Grace decided to keep the drawing open in hopes of luring our hero into her castle and, eventually, bedroom.
Disappointed at not being able to see his compatriots the Witch Hunters, Treygarian Spremeius was about to leave when a peculiar figure approached him. Legendary was one of the humanoid war machines from Faen'Dasia know as warforged, possessing a strong mechanical body and a holy third eye on his forehead.
"Excuse me sir, but I am in need of a hero. You see, I am an adventurer from a distant land who wishes to ask the castle what I can do for good in this part of the world. I am afraid that as a foreigner who worships a foreign god the Alerians will not believe that I have a pure and good robotic heart, but if I could be accompanied by one as pure and good looking as you, well there would be no question as to my intentions. With my well oiled hard steel and your well oiled biceps there is no evil which could stand in our way. What say you?"
"How could I say no to such a well built brother in arms?" Treygarian responded with fire in his heart, "I believe destiny has decided I and my party must have another date with Lady Aleria after all."
With his plans now set for the evening, Sir Spremeius walked to the guide waiting to lead the throng of patriotic citizens to their promised dinner. Treygarian walked through the familiar halls of the capital before the group was left in a waiting room.
"Excuse me, but you wouldn't happen to need a doctor?" said a voice from under a mask.
Cara appeared to be a plague doctor judging from her menacing bird like mask. Treygarian was no stranger to physicians chasing after him, trying to capture what it was about his biology that made him the greatest hero in the land.
"I don't think I do miss," Treygarian replied, "I'm still tender from the last time I got physical with a medical professional." (Treygarian Spremeius is of course referring to his encounter with the Dominating Doctor Darwinious, last seen in Treygarian Spremeius and the Evolution of Epistemological Evil, currently going for one copper piece)
"Well I insist you at least consume this vitamin I concocted while I study you further. You wouldn't want to loose your energy on such a long, hard, journey."
Treygarian knew the moment he consumed the offering of the "good" doctor he would be powerless to stop her advances to medicine. Luckily, Cara wasn't the only interesting character currently in the waiting room. Treygarian had made eye contact earlier with the goblin known as Zazu! who clearly had the same love for breaking the shackles of doctoral authority as he our hero. Using the secret goblin hang gestures he learned during his (as yet untold) month long imprisonment with the Hobgoblin Witch Queen Trudu, Treygarian asked for a flask of spirits, the only antidote to the foul potion Cara had brewed for him. With a deft movement Treygarian quaffed both liquids at once, canceling out the vile potion and leaving only the smooth taste of whiskey which only someone as refined as Treygarian could enjoy.
"While I'd love to stay and chat, I'm afraid I have someone to meet," Treygarian said much to the surprise of Cara, who expected her "vitamin" to have taken effect by now. "I'm sure this won't be the last we see of each other," he called over his shoulder to both of them while also signing a thanks to the goblin who kept him safe.
Treygarian was, of course, going to meet with Lady Grace Aleria. He had deduced (correctly) from the time taken that she must have cold feet, nervous that he would remember how she had stolen the diamond the Aquatic Alien Adventists had gifted to him after he stopped a noble faux pas from ending the world. (A story which can still be recounted for FREE in Treygarian Spremeius and the Apocalyptic Apology of the Alerians) It was only as he took a short cut in front of the royal vault that our hero noticed something was off. All of the magical seals usually present had been removed and the vault itself was cracked open instead of sealed. Curious at what could have caused such a change, Sir Spremeius entered the vault.
It was almost exactly as he had remembered it, filled to the brim with relics deemed too dangerous to be anywhere else. Cursed swords, bound demons, and forbidden tomes lined the metal walls, along with a certain jewel only dangerous to the Alerian family because of the embarrassing circumstances under which it was stolen. Treygarian quietly pocketed his lawful property before walking to the secret sanctum at the back of the vault, also left ajar.
"Greetings my beautiful fine fellow
I wish that the circumstances we met under were more mellow
I would love to meet with you after my vile deed is done
Then we could've had some fun, hun."
It was with this vile rhyme that the jester like figure with armor as black as night and red as blood crushed an orb of darkness, causing a huge calamity. The Alerian castle came falling apart as above the sky ripped apart like the jeans jacket the Levi-athan attempted to trap Treygarian in after he flexed his way out of it. (as can be read in the first ever written history of Treygarian Spremeius, Treygarian Spremeius and the Fated Fabric, currently a rare collectible item) Emerging from the hole like Treygarian emerged from the destroyed clothing article was a black dragon so mighty and enormous there could be no question it was here to destroy the world, starting with the castle.
Unfortunately for the dragon, it could not complete its task without interference. With the architecture crumbling around him Treygarian leaped from falling block to falling block, approaching the evil creature. Afraid for its life so soon after appearing, the dragon quickly fled from Sir Spremeius, leaving only the destruction in its wake.
"I guess my date
will have to wait."
Treygarian said as he fell gracefully to the rubble below and began digging the injured out. Following his lead, other heroic individuals crept forward and joined his valiant effort, including a strange woman sparkling skin named Eva who shared glances with our hero while saving countless lives.
Treygarian Spremeius and the Entrance of the Dragon
Book IIXX, Part XXII, Chapter XVII of Treygarian's Journeys
Recorded by Alison "Ali" Bee on December 23rd, 3015
After defeating the Demon Apes of Gorilla Island and making love to the Sorcerous Chimp Princess Zaynab, (Found in last issue's Treygarian Spremeius and the Spiteful Simian Servants of Satan, now on sale for only 2 copper!) Treygarian walked through Zay's portal to a town as familiar as it was dangerous: Havensworth.
It had been a few months since Treygarian had last set foot in the hub of the Alerians, notorious rivals of our good looking hero. It was with no small sense of pride in his own sense of dramatic timing that Sir Spremeius (as he was known in Havensfeld after the events of Treygarian Spremeius: Battles, Blossoms, and Bosoms, the anthology available for the low low price of 5 copper!) noticed he had arrived on the eve of the yearly celebration of his close friends and colleagues the Witch Hunters. Content knowing he soon could talk once more with the eccentric fellows and shake Gerbo's unusually large hand for the lead on the location Olaf the Orangutan's Gorilla Island hideout, our hero grabbed a pint of ale and leaned against a pillar.
For any new readers, it is imperative at this moment that we describe exactly what gazing upon Treygarian Spremeius' body entails. We'll start with his hair. The shoulder length golden shining locks of Treygarian have been compared to rays of sunlight brushed by Dwarven smiths, shampooed by Elven maidens, and conditioned by Aphrodite herself. Looking down one's senses are pierced by his gorgeous blue eyes, strung up by his cheek bones, and struck by his chiseled jaw. His chest swells with imposing pecs, punctuated by erect caltrop like nipples. Abs like rocks protruding from rapids are only loosely concealed by his ruffled shirt, barely buttoned. Treygarian Spremeius is not easy to miss in a crowd.
Another figure difficult to miss was the shark man known as kAAHH. The seven foot tall creature, clothed only in his cummerbund and armed only with his rows of dagger like teeth, sniffed the air. Like any other warm or cold blooded person, kAAHH was enchanted by our hero's presence, and advanced menacingly toward Treygarian's pillar, saliva leaking from his mouth.
"kAAHH can smell what has value, and he knows what has the most worth here. What be the price of your hair, glorious one!?"
Treygarian smiled at the sahuAAHHgin's desire to own what could not be owned, to tie down what must fly free, that gripped so many people he encountered on his journeys.
"I am in need of an adventure soon, and would not be opposed to having a strong warrior on my side. I could trade you a lock of hair for your services on my crew."
Though the warrior made a show of considering declining the offer, his drooling mouth gave away that he could not refuse. As Treygarian Spremeius cut his glowing mane the sahuAAHHgin fell to one knee and greedily snatched the offered filaments and tucked them into his belt.
"Did I hear something about adventure?" A brave voice said from below.
Looking down, Treygarian saw a halfling with a green stone in her forehead. Though Bai Kai Tian was stout of mind and soul, the direct eye contact of Sir Spremeius made her heart flutter so powerfully she almost looked away.
"My order's scrolls say that it is our duty To Defeat Evil, Drive It Out of the Land, and Hear the Celebration of Men and Women. I'm looking for someone to perform my duty with."
Treygarian smiled a smile which felt like being buried in kittens and replied, "It would be my pleasure to lead you to the end of your order's holy quest."
With this response, Kai was sure that the being before her was the chosen one her order told her about as a child. kAAHH's response was a little different.
"You joined us!? For free!? You FOOL! AHHAHHAHAHAH!" he yelled before wandering off in search of more treasure.
"I have another friend who is also searching for justice," Kai said, gesturing toward the roof. Perched above was the bird person Arrano. Arrano's feathers were radiant will all the colors of the rainbow while his equipment was steeled for all the danger which lay. His left eye held all the sorrow of one who suffered a terrible tragedy and his right all the righteous anger of one who would claim vengeance. The two heroes gazed into each other's eyes tenderly as they recognized another who experienced both gentle love and harsh pain in this melancholy and dangerous world we all inhabit. It was obvious to anyone who saw the single tear each of them shed that Treygarian would lead Arrano to the justice he so desperately needed.
As the crowd fell silent from such a beautiful display of emotion, the organizers of the celebration decided to start the official ceremony. Lady Grace Aleria stepped forward and explained that though the celebration today was for the Witch Hunters, they were unfortunately not able to join for the traditional raffled feast. Right as she was about to cancel the whole affair Lady Grace noticed Treygarian in the crowd. Her heart skipped a beat as she thought back to the the times they strove together and fought against one another both in the field and the bedroom. (as detailed both in Treygarian Spremeius: Battles, Blossoms, and Bosoms and the NOW FREE Treygarian Spremeius and the Apocalyptic Apology of the Alerians) Instead of canceling the dinner as she had planned, Lady Grace decided to keep the drawing open in hopes of luring our hero into her castle and, eventually, bedroom.
Disappointed at not being able to see his compatriots the Witch Hunters, Treygarian Spremeius was about to leave when a peculiar figure approached him. Legendary was one of the humanoid war machines from Faen'Dasia know as warforged, possessing a strong mechanical body and a holy third eye on his forehead.
"Excuse me sir, but I am in need of a hero. You see, I am an adventurer from a distant land who wishes to ask the castle what I can do for good in this part of the world. I am afraid that as a foreigner who worships a foreign god the Alerians will not believe that I have a pure and good robotic heart, but if I could be accompanied by one as pure and good looking as you, well there would be no question as to my intentions. With my well oiled hard steel and your well oiled biceps there is no evil which could stand in our way. What say you?"
"How could I say no to such a well built brother in arms?" Treygarian responded with fire in his heart, "I believe destiny has decided I and my party must have another date with Lady Aleria after all."
With his plans now set for the evening, Sir Spremeius walked to the guide waiting to lead the throng of patriotic citizens to their promised dinner. Treygarian walked through the familiar halls of the capital before the group was left in a waiting room.
"Excuse me, but you wouldn't happen to need a doctor?" said a voice from under a mask.
Cara appeared to be a plague doctor judging from her menacing bird like mask. Treygarian was no stranger to physicians chasing after him, trying to capture what it was about his biology that made him the greatest hero in the land.
"I don't think I do miss," Treygarian replied, "I'm still tender from the last time I got physical with a medical professional." (Treygarian Spremeius is of course referring to his encounter with the Dominating Doctor Darwinious, last seen in Treygarian Spremeius and the Evolution of Epistemological Evil, currently going for one copper piece)
"Well I insist you at least consume this vitamin I concocted while I study you further. You wouldn't want to loose your energy on such a long, hard, journey."
Treygarian knew the moment he consumed the offering of the "good" doctor he would be powerless to stop her advances to medicine. Luckily, Cara wasn't the only interesting character currently in the waiting room. Treygarian had made eye contact earlier with the goblin known as Zazu! who clearly had the same love for breaking the shackles of doctoral authority as he our hero. Using the secret goblin hang gestures he learned during his (as yet untold) month long imprisonment with the Hobgoblin Witch Queen Trudu, Treygarian asked for a flask of spirits, the only antidote to the foul potion Cara had brewed for him. With a deft movement Treygarian quaffed both liquids at once, canceling out the vile potion and leaving only the smooth taste of whiskey which only someone as refined as Treygarian could enjoy.
"While I'd love to stay and chat, I'm afraid I have someone to meet," Treygarian said much to the surprise of Cara, who expected her "vitamin" to have taken effect by now. "I'm sure this won't be the last we see of each other," he called over his shoulder to both of them while also signing a thanks to the goblin who kept him safe.
Treygarian was, of course, going to meet with Lady Grace Aleria. He had deduced (correctly) from the time taken that she must have cold feet, nervous that he would remember how she had stolen the diamond the Aquatic Alien Adventists had gifted to him after he stopped a noble faux pas from ending the world. (A story which can still be recounted for FREE in Treygarian Spremeius and the Apocalyptic Apology of the Alerians) It was only as he took a short cut in front of the royal vault that our hero noticed something was off. All of the magical seals usually present had been removed and the vault itself was cracked open instead of sealed. Curious at what could have caused such a change, Sir Spremeius entered the vault.
It was almost exactly as he had remembered it, filled to the brim with relics deemed too dangerous to be anywhere else. Cursed swords, bound demons, and forbidden tomes lined the metal walls, along with a certain jewel only dangerous to the Alerian family because of the embarrassing circumstances under which it was stolen. Treygarian quietly pocketed his lawful property before walking to the secret sanctum at the back of the vault, also left ajar.
"Greetings my beautiful fine fellow
I wish that the circumstances we met under were more mellow
I would love to meet with you after my vile deed is done
Then we could've had some fun, hun."
It was with this vile rhyme that the jester like figure with armor as black as night and red as blood crushed an orb of darkness, causing a huge calamity. The Alerian castle came falling apart as above the sky ripped apart like the jeans jacket the Levi-athan attempted to trap Treygarian in after he flexed his way out of it. (as can be read in the first ever written history of Treygarian Spremeius, Treygarian Spremeius and the Fated Fabric, currently a rare collectible item) Emerging from the hole like Treygarian emerged from the destroyed clothing article was a black dragon so mighty and enormous there could be no question it was here to destroy the world, starting with the castle.
Unfortunately for the dragon, it could not complete its task without interference. With the architecture crumbling around him Treygarian leaped from falling block to falling block, approaching the evil creature. Afraid for its life so soon after appearing, the dragon quickly fled from Sir Spremeius, leaving only the destruction in its wake.
"I guess my date
will have to wait."
Treygarian said as he fell gracefully to the rubble below and began digging the injured out. Following his lead, other heroic individuals crept forward and joined his valiant effort, including a strange woman sparkling skin named Eva who shared glances with our hero while saving countless lives.
Tuesday, October 16, 2018
An Easy Fix: A New, More Playable, Witch
I think that my Uncle's Witch is very interesting and accurate from historical/simulationist view inside of his AD&D universe. Unfortunately, this means that it is incredibly complicated and unfun from a game design perspective. The following is my idea for how to make the class fit better and become more playable in AD&D games I would be involved in while changing as little as possible.
For this quick fix almost everything would stay the same, including: Familiars, Potion/Poison creation, Taboos, Witch Marks, Candle Magic, Talismans, Control Dolls, Spell research, creation of magic items, penning of scrolls, and special powers.
What changes is their magical literacy, use of Wizard/Clerical Magic Items, and "spheres".
As I see it, there are two glaring flaws with the Witch right now.
First, the Witch is currently intended to be in a uniquely fucked up situation until 3rd level. They start with a number of spells known like a Mage, but they have no way of keeping a spellbook from which to prepare the spells. In Uncle David's world, this means that they are only able to continue preparing the spells which they have previously prepared the day before, and can not prepare spells which they know, but do not have currently loaded.
At third level they are able to now keep a spellbook where they can record and prepare spells from, but since they don't have a copy of the spells they don't have memorized, they will need to find another copy of those spells before they can put them in their book, essentially baring them from preparing them again.
In addition, the Witch's ability to do things which Wizards and Clerics can do but not both comes in slowly, strangely, and haphazardly. There is a logic to it, but it is not predictable or sensible to someone who isn't embroiled in AD&D. It goes as follows: Use magic items Wizard or Illusionists but not Clerics can use @ 3rd, Cleric only items @ 5th, Read scrolls @ 6th, Read any scrolls as thief @ 9th.
Instead of this system, I propose a simpler one. At first level, if a Witch were to attempt to engage in an action which a Cleric or Magic-User could do but not both, they suffer a -50% chance at success. This decreases every level by 5% to 0 at 11th level. This includes learning new spells from Wizard spellbooks or scrolls instead of from another Witch or as their leveling spell.
Now instead of 5 rules which all occur at different levels, there is one rule which represents a Witch slowly becoming more and more literate in traditional magic. Witch's spell books would still be pseudo spell books, and they still would not even be able to learn spells from a Wizard's spellbook till 3rd level when they can cast Read Magic, but now they don't suffer from a very specific and punishing interpretation of the pseudo Vancian casting my Uncle uses in AD&D.
The second problem with the Witch is how confusing the current "sphere" system is. In an attempt to include established but taboo gods in the Witch's portfolio, (namely Bahamat who my uncle has many Witches of) there is a system now where a witch Patron can also grant Clerical Spheres in addition to allowing the Witch to use "witchcraft" (their standard spell casting). These come at the cost of a penalty to learn new spells and high level spell witch spell casting. So a Witch devoted to Asmodeus may gain the ability to spontaneously cast spells from the Evil, Law, and Charm(Rulership) domains, but they would loose the ability to cast 5th, 6th, or 7th level "normal" witch spells and a -15% chance to understand "normal" witch spells of any level.
This doesn't really make sense to me for a number of reasons, but my largest gripe with it is that it is overly complicated and only serves to confuse class identity by buffing what was before a downside (limited spell list) and removing part what made it uniquely powerful/interesting. (the high level unique witch spells) That being said, I think that differentiating Witches based on their Patrons makes sense as a goal, but I suggest a different way of doing it.
Around every new spell level, the Witches Patron (maybe through their familiar, the Patrons organization, or through dream) may reach out to the Witch and ask them to perform a task for the Patron. At low levels this will be minor (take care of someone in the town the Witch is already in, collect an item from a dungeon they're already going to, ect.) but will grow to full blown quests at higher levels. As opportunities for the Witch to prove their loyalty, usefulness, or faith to the Patron the Witch will receive a reward for successful completion of the mission.
Now each Patron can provide powers to the Witch in exchange for the Witch's unique support in various efforts, fulfilling the promise of a pact specific to each Witch. Patrons which are close to and desire godhood can reward the Witch with access to spheres, while others could give physical rewards or magical powers. Patrons with less of a interest or power in the world may not offer as many missions or care if they are completed while others may have severe consequences if the Witch fails to constantly further their goals.
If I were to continue to adjust the Witch there are two more major changes I could see making. Currently the class has access to a hodge-podge of alternate magic systems. I think this is really cool and flavorful, but ends up burying players in a large number of confusing and bizarre options which border on making the class overpowered and mid-high levels in very specific circumstances. Instead of the current system I would have a few different options of specific alternate magic systems the Witch could choose between (like alchemy, charms&dolls, maybe curses&candles?) to provide a more controlled power level and clearer focus for players, while also expanding the world and its cultures.
The second problem I see is that by providing the Witch total control over the powers of their familiar, the mysterious spirit which is flavorful a mentor becomes nothing more than a common minion. I would want to provide tools for a DM to construct familiars as entities of their own with goals, plans, and schemes which may not align with that of the player/character, perhaps even giving them additional powers which are decided by the DM/Patron or chance instead of the witch themselves.
Hopefully these two quick fixes can change the class from being all but unplayable to instead a bit complicated but still fun and engaging. If people have feedback on/want to help with these or the suggested next steps of the class I'd love to hear from them.
EDIT: I have been notified the link to the original Witch isn't working great. Here is a link to the geocities cache of the page it is on, and here is a link to a cache of the whole site.
For this quick fix almost everything would stay the same, including: Familiars, Potion/Poison creation, Taboos, Witch Marks, Candle Magic, Talismans, Control Dolls, Spell research, creation of magic items, penning of scrolls, and special powers.
What changes is their magical literacy, use of Wizard/Clerical Magic Items, and "spheres".
As I see it, there are two glaring flaws with the Witch right now.
First, the Witch is currently intended to be in a uniquely fucked up situation until 3rd level. They start with a number of spells known like a Mage, but they have no way of keeping a spellbook from which to prepare the spells. In Uncle David's world, this means that they are only able to continue preparing the spells which they have previously prepared the day before, and can not prepare spells which they know, but do not have currently loaded.
At third level they are able to now keep a spellbook where they can record and prepare spells from, but since they don't have a copy of the spells they don't have memorized, they will need to find another copy of those spells before they can put them in their book, essentially baring them from preparing them again.
In addition, the Witch's ability to do things which Wizards and Clerics can do but not both comes in slowly, strangely, and haphazardly. There is a logic to it, but it is not predictable or sensible to someone who isn't embroiled in AD&D. It goes as follows: Use magic items Wizard or Illusionists but not Clerics can use @ 3rd, Cleric only items @ 5th, Read scrolls @ 6th, Read any scrolls as thief @ 9th.
Instead of this system, I propose a simpler one. At first level, if a Witch were to attempt to engage in an action which a Cleric or Magic-User could do but not both, they suffer a -50% chance at success. This decreases every level by 5% to 0 at 11th level. This includes learning new spells from Wizard spellbooks or scrolls instead of from another Witch or as their leveling spell.
Now instead of 5 rules which all occur at different levels, there is one rule which represents a Witch slowly becoming more and more literate in traditional magic. Witch's spell books would still be pseudo spell books, and they still would not even be able to learn spells from a Wizard's spellbook till 3rd level when they can cast Read Magic, but now they don't suffer from a very specific and punishing interpretation of the pseudo Vancian casting my Uncle uses in AD&D.
The second problem with the Witch is how confusing the current "sphere" system is. In an attempt to include established but taboo gods in the Witch's portfolio, (namely Bahamat who my uncle has many Witches of) there is a system now where a witch Patron can also grant Clerical Spheres in addition to allowing the Witch to use "witchcraft" (their standard spell casting). These come at the cost of a penalty to learn new spells and high level spell witch spell casting. So a Witch devoted to Asmodeus may gain the ability to spontaneously cast spells from the Evil, Law, and Charm(Rulership) domains, but they would loose the ability to cast 5th, 6th, or 7th level "normal" witch spells and a -15% chance to understand "normal" witch spells of any level.
This doesn't really make sense to me for a number of reasons, but my largest gripe with it is that it is overly complicated and only serves to confuse class identity by buffing what was before a downside (limited spell list) and removing part what made it uniquely powerful/interesting. (the high level unique witch spells) That being said, I think that differentiating Witches based on their Patrons makes sense as a goal, but I suggest a different way of doing it.
Around every new spell level, the Witches Patron (maybe through their familiar, the Patrons organization, or through dream) may reach out to the Witch and ask them to perform a task for the Patron. At low levels this will be minor (take care of someone in the town the Witch is already in, collect an item from a dungeon they're already going to, ect.) but will grow to full blown quests at higher levels. As opportunities for the Witch to prove their loyalty, usefulness, or faith to the Patron the Witch will receive a reward for successful completion of the mission.
Now each Patron can provide powers to the Witch in exchange for the Witch's unique support in various efforts, fulfilling the promise of a pact specific to each Witch. Patrons which are close to and desire godhood can reward the Witch with access to spheres, while others could give physical rewards or magical powers. Patrons with less of a interest or power in the world may not offer as many missions or care if they are completed while others may have severe consequences if the Witch fails to constantly further their goals.
If I were to continue to adjust the Witch there are two more major changes I could see making. Currently the class has access to a hodge-podge of alternate magic systems. I think this is really cool and flavorful, but ends up burying players in a large number of confusing and bizarre options which border on making the class overpowered and mid-high levels in very specific circumstances. Instead of the current system I would have a few different options of specific alternate magic systems the Witch could choose between (like alchemy, charms&dolls, maybe curses&candles?) to provide a more controlled power level and clearer focus for players, while also expanding the world and its cultures.
The second problem I see is that by providing the Witch total control over the powers of their familiar, the mysterious spirit which is flavorful a mentor becomes nothing more than a common minion. I would want to provide tools for a DM to construct familiars as entities of their own with goals, plans, and schemes which may not align with that of the player/character, perhaps even giving them additional powers which are decided by the DM/Patron or chance instead of the witch themselves.
Hopefully these two quick fixes can change the class from being all but unplayable to instead a bit complicated but still fun and engaging. If people have feedback on/want to help with these or the suggested next steps of the class I'd love to hear from them.
EDIT: I have been notified the link to the original Witch isn't working great. Here is a link to the geocities cache of the page it is on, and here is a link to a cache of the whole site.
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